एक डर है,
और घबराहट भी ।
ये बुरा वक़्त अब बस गुज़र जाए,
अब कुछ और ग़लत ना होने पाए,
ये संकट अब बस यहीं टल जाए ।
टूटी चुकी है हिम्मत मेरी,
बिखर चुकी हैं ख़ुशियाँ मेरी ।
ये जीवन जो बचा है अब
बस
एक बेचैनी है।-
Or stressed about,
I have realised in the past 2 months,
Nothing and no one can ever be above your family, or parents, specifically.
No love, howsoever old,
no friendship, howsoever strong,
can lend you the happiness you get
seeing your parents fine and healthy, and happy.
Nothing means anything
when your family is in trouble!-
बस इसी तरह।
हँसना भूल गयी हूँ मैं,
सब दुनिया से दूर हो गयी हूँ मैं,
या यूँ कहो
डर में जीने की आदी हो गयी हूँ मैं।
चाहे दिन हो या रात,
चाहे सोते या जागते,
बस यही एक डर मुझे दिन रात खाए जाता है,
पापा, आप के बिना कुछ नहीं हूँ में,
मुझे आपको खोने नहीं देना है।
क्या कुछ देख लिया मैंने, पर
मैंने जीना सीख लिया है,
बस इसी तरह!
-
accept your mistakes
and bend down
on your knees
to ask forgiveness.
You’re never too old to repent.
You’re never too old to not feel anything.
Thoughts and emotions will
always overwhelm you
but you’re never too old
to not let them flee out.-
It’s been quite late,
But my heart feels so restless
And my mind completely inactive
Words do not drop out of my head
And my thoughts remain unkempt
I try doing one thing
But leading into some other
My eyes feel heavy
But my subconscious mind doesn’t let them close
I’ve lost control
And I’m jabbed!-
A crumpled heart
And a tattered soul
Hundreds of thoughts in mind
A million words to write
Yet
A fake smile
And backspace
Helped her the best
In this cruel world!
-
Underneath the open sky,
With no traces of stars,
But the howling clouds
Diminishing the intensity of moonlight,
And In the slight breeze,
With thoughts dawdling in my mind,
I wander,
In the middle of nights,
With solitude
And silence all around,
But then,
There’s you
And only you!-
I’m tired of being so strong. For once I want to take off this pseudo shield of strength and wear my ‘handle with care’ coat. I’m tired of crying discreetly every other night and I secretly wish for him to notice and rescue me from these situations. I’m tired of hearing ‘I know you’re strong enough to make it through’. For once I want to hear him saying ‘It’s okay to feel weak and I’ll help you to make through it’. For once I want him to clutch my hand and pull me out of this darkness.
-
This journey of two long years at this place is coming to an end today, and I don’t know how to feel about it. I’m blank, I’m lost. There’s anxiety all over, For I’ve lived a lifetime in these past years. Yet I’m left with nothing but memories. No people in real life. It’s only me, all alone.
And now while laying in the bed, blankly staring at the ceiling, my thoughts frighten me. I’ve already started missing everything and everyone, and him. I don’t know what’s next. I don’t where life’s going to take a turn to. I don’t know if I’d ever get a chance to see him again, I don’t know if we’re going to stay in touch, I don’t know! And I’m just panicking!-
There are times when you’re so badly depressed with rejections, disapprovals, discouragements that they entirely choke you up, such that things now make their way out in the form of those watery falls rushing through your eyes down to your cheeks, falling off to the ground, when you feel weak in your nerves, when the waves of shivers shoot through your blood to every organ of the body and you can not help but to crumble into a corner. Those are the times when you need a shoulder to cry upon, someone to just hug tight and spill out your emotions, someone who’d understand you and not indulge in those tauntings, but having found no such blessing, you just break, things start eating you up from within and you’re destroyed!
-