i ask myself,
am i transparent enough for them to peek into the hell burning inside me?
the flames of diffidence and insecurities burning the insides of me.
Is the cosmos inside me,
where self hatred dwells visible to their sight? if it is, then i must find it a veil,
why do i expect them to accept me
when i keep running away from my own self,
why do i expect them to love me
for its exposure may inhance my insignificance. but, when i engulf my own self into the whirlpool of self hatred why do i expect them to consider me worth something when i myself don't know my worth, perhaps worthless i am. why do i expect them to look for me when i myself yearn to disappear. and why do i expect them to let me live in harmony when i myself long for death in serenity. but it do makes me wonder, why do this twinge of hatred for my existence exists in them? for i presume, i give my all of it just to be invisible? and as i let my emotions flow with ink, i bottle up the tears which are on the brink of shedding, beacuse i believe i become more transparent with every tear I shed, and this transparency may pave way to higher hatred of mine for them.
-