Oh! How to avoid everything that I did with you,
And not do it with someone else ?
Oh no no no,
How do I not spoil our final memories?
How do I not let our tale, be dumped over other scraped stories ?

I can avoid that particular cafe,
But do I stop having cold coffee altogether ?
And stop scribbling long paragraphs,
When the owner asks feedback,
On how they can make the coffee taste better ?

I can stop writing poetry on love,
I'm already on that way,
But how to control when words jump over the embankment,
Like they are doing today?

I can stop singing on the phone,
Or just to meet somoene,
crossing a whole time zone.
I can stop checking myself twice in the mirror,
before the date.
Or be scared to death to make the other person wait.
I can stop wearing extra blue or wine colored dresses.
I can choose to skip our spot,
When they ask me about my favourite places.

Maybe I can do all of this.
Will it help ? Only time will tell.
Now it makes me wonder,
If you are avoiding all of these things as well ?

-

As you left, you took with you,
Those songs that would always remind me of us.
That particular stanza that would knock the air out of my lungs,
Or that one song, where we would always end up locking our tongues.
You took them all with you, as you left a stunned heart in my chest.
And you know it too well, my songs were the one thing, that you & I found best.
Now I get petrified when they show up on my screen, as I put my playlist on shuffle,
My fingers hit skip so fast, as if burying a dead body using a shovel.
I don't want to get all teary eyed, 0.75 seconds into the start of a stupid song,
Oh but I never delete them, oh that would be wrong!

So it's skip skip skip. But never delete.
I end it abruptly, knowing that it's the only that's complete.

-

मैं यह सोचती हूं, जब इंसान ने अपना पहला ख्वाब देखा होगा,
तो कैसा महसूस हुआ होगा उसे ?
क्या वो डर गया होगा ?
क्या वो दोबारा आंखें मूंदने को तैयार होगा ?
या उस ख्वाब को अपनी सच्चाई के बीच ढूंढने निकल पड़ा होगा ?

मैं यह सब सोच ही रही थी, कि मुझे याद आ गया
जब मैंने तुम्हें पहली बार देखा था
मेरी धड़कनों की आवाज मुझे बता रही थी,
कि शायद मुझे डर लग रहा था ।
लेकिन मैं आंखे मूंदने को तैयार नहीं थी ।
क्योंकि सालों के अनुभव ने मुझे ये बता दिया था,
की दोबारा आंखें बंद करने से, ख्वाब भी किसी गलती से दबे रिमोट की भांति,
अपना चैनल बदल लेता है ।

मगर सालों के अनुभव के बावजूद, सिरफिरी होकर,
मैं तुम्हें ढूंढने निकल पड़ी ।
भीड़ में, उसी दिसंबर की ठंड में,
क्योंकि मैं तुम्हें ख्वाब की जगह,
अपनी सच्चाई बनाना चाहती थी ।

-

कसक, ठंडी आह, ख़लिस, चुभन
आज मुझे पता है इन सारे शब्दों का, ना सिर्फ अर्थ,
मगर ये भी मालूम है कि इनके विलोम ढूंँढ पाना है अब व्यर्थ ।
मैं पहले शायरा बनी, या एक असफल प्रेमिका
या शायद प्रेमिका से एक सफल शायरा
जो मुझे चाहिए वो तो क्षितिज के उस पार है,
और मैं कैद उस गोल ज़मीन पर, घटता जा रहा जिसका दायरा ।
आपको मेरी लिखी बातें आधी समझ आती होंगी,
मगर मैं खुद को समझने में हूंँ पूर्ण असमर्थ ।
दर्द, अफसोस, उदासी, रंज,
आज मुझे पता है इन सारे शब्दों का, ना सिर्फ अर्थ,
मगर ये भी मालूम है कि इनके विलोम ढूंढ पाना है अब व्यर्थ ।

-

Dear M,

You'll always be a hole in my heart that won't ever heal,
I wish I were a writer, good enough, to tell you how exactly I feel.
But this is not a poem. I have lost the ability to find words that rhyme with each other. Just like I've lost the ability to love again.
It's not that I won't move on. Life will anyway compel me to do so. Because, after all, I have other dreams as well. I wish to have my own kids. One day. And to achieve all that, I have to necessarily find someone, right ? Right. Perhaps the saddest right ever.
I cry at random points of the day. I feel so desparate and lifeless at the same time. I don't know what to do. Except to find some comfort in fulfilling my responsibilities of the day. Or maybe to laugh a little extra loud when a friend cracks a joke. I am laughing so much, but I don't know why am I gaining so much of weight and developing a lot of acne.
Although I have other things to worry about. Like not crying at random points of the day in front of a random stranger.
Anyway, I hope you are doing good. Whatever it is, that you are doing.

- Yours, G.

-

The trajectory of my life, I believe,
Has been following a negative slope,
On some days I lock myself up in a room with my feelings,
And when they start eating me, I open the door and elope!

I am now married to a kind of sadness,
Even though I was never even friends with her
I have been co-parenting guilt and regret with my ex
Like two pets, who come and leave around a lot of fur.

It hurts to my bones,
But my X rays showed a normal study.
The problem lies in my mind perhaps
As my therapist says, 'Whenever you are ready'.

I am not crazy. No, not yet
But unfortunately,
I could be, because I am a poet.

-

While literature and love glorify and talk about the bright side of the moon, Science chooses to quietly 'soft' land on the other side.
And both of them, make life worth living for a tiny Earthling like me.
Maybe it's all about the beautiful combination of hard work and hope, a blend of science and romance.

-

Yesterday, when I lied down,
I happened to be battling a million thoughts,
But all I had on my face was a frown.
I could feel my head swimming,
As if I was already about to drown.

It's not easy to breathe underwater,
No matter how deeply you inhale,
It doesn't really get any better.
So motionless I lay, eyes tight shut
Everything hurting for the first time,
Like a sudden papercut !
My limbs got heavier,
Bubbles forming in my chest,
What organs were even trying to save me,
When all I wanted was to rest.
Waves of words hit me,
My brilliant mind crafting a piece of poetry,
Before I reached the sea bed.
Honestly, I don't even remember half of it,
But it was definitely better than what you just read.

-

एक अशांत मन
और एक अस्थिर कलम,
का मिलाप ही सबकुछ है ।

मुझे तो दो बीघा ज़मीन की भी आवश्यकता नहीं,
मेरी जिंदगी अक्सर चार रेखाओं
वाली सफेद आयत में खत्म हो जाती है।

-

एक अशांत मन
और एक अस्थिर कलम,
का मिलाप ही सबकुछ है ।

मुझे तो दो बीघा ज़मीन की भी आवश्यकता नहीं,
मेरी जिंदगी अक्सर चार रेखाओं
वाली सफेद आयत में खत्म हो जाती है।

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