I pray for a myriad of reasons..
To keep us apart..to let us move on..

For if there are none
We will always hold onto a glimmer of hope
We would always have reasons to go back

Which will only make us realise and understand
The unbearable pain of unloving someone

How difficult it is to make oneself understand
That the world outside finds joy and contentment
In our separation..
Or is it US being content
And finding solace in the liberation of our hearts ..

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Often I have found myself toiling around
With heavy emotions and thoughts
With the quench to reach out to my inner self
Where I thought peace prevailed
With every turn that life offered I could see the steep uphill
While I hallucinated reaching there
There was disaster and dismay!
As I stumbled at every step ..
I realised that in the quest for happiness..
A part of me was lost ..
The throbbing pain and the sleepless nights made me paralysed
Then on a cold winter day while I was looking out for the sun
I found myself engulfed and encapsulated within a space so full of warmth and love ..
Immersed into this happy space where I could finally breathe
With no hassles or judgements
Where every conversation has only opened
A whole new world for me which of course was real..
A world where we could only see "us"

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Since my childhood I had always thought of April to be my companion
I use to wait for eleven months to finally welcome April
Infact I had watched the first rainbow from my classroom window in April's presence..
How I kept gazing outside with my mouth wide open & felt a sudden burst of colours rushing through my veins..
When our English teacher taught us "Daffodils"
All I could imagine was a cluster of daffodils fluttering & wandering aimlessly through the April wind under the warmth of the golden Sun
My face was lit with a faint golden tinge as I witnessed the beauty under the April sun
I use to watch my neighbour running around her courtyard removing clothes from getting wet
The sudden showers accompanied by the aroma of the drenched earth would tranquillise me to a different world
The feeling eroded over the years & I had always blamed my dear friend for the agony
I kept longing for the love & warmth at the onset of April every year
Little did I realise that while my friend had been loyal throughout..
I got busy with the worldly pleasure ..
Today as I watched the sudden spring showers from my balcony I realised that I had bid adieu to my dear April far in the past..

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I wonder what might be going on inside
Vincent Van Gogh
When he created this beautiful masterpiece
From his asylum window
Just before the sunrise
He watched the Cypress tree which symbolises death as it is found in cemeteries
To me or may be for the rest of the world
This art seems nothing than a dream
So subtle yet intense
The wide night sky filled with beaming stars
And moon and the camaraderie between them
It calms me and encapsulates me with the warmth away from this busy life
As I long to rest just under the starry night

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Rainbows of myriad colours
That uplifts my mood
Makes me happy
Gives me the comfort to be myself

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Nine month's back
I was a different me
Life was fast paced & time was limited
Every individual I met had been on their own focussed journey
This pandemic has taught me many aspects of my life from a different perspective
The tough days have made me understand & value life
Made me realise what it is to be alive
That we dont need much to live
To reevaluate and reprioritize what really matters
Happiness doesn't lie in possessing material things
Have learnt not to expect & to let go off things not in my control
Not to judge on my failure's,on my unfulfilled dreams, on my not so successful relationships ,on the sacrifices made without having any egocentric motives
Patience is what we all have developed in this trying times
Cherished moments spent with my child discussing my childhood & her dreams
These days have made me realise happiness lies in accepting people & things around us
To be grateful to people who love us
How each day of being alive is to be celebrated
Sending my love to everyone who walked through their version of fire this year
May you continue to find the strength for the journey ahead
A very happy new year to all of you ❤️


Guftagu - Connecting Souls

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Every day thousands of emotions keeps running through my mind
Of varied dimensions
With an intent to paralyse and choke
The very essence of my thoughts
Nevertheless it is my heart which filters out the detritus ingredients from the inner folders of my so called captive mind
And fill it with love ,patience,kindness and humility
Which in today's scenario is an elusive dream for many

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I would have asked him to take me on a trip
To some distant land
With noone around
We would have sat in silence for a while
And into his arms I would have fallen
asleep

-

Myself

Yes for a change its been me only
I have been thinking about

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Attimes I can relate myself to the character "Marianne" from the renowned book "Normal People"
She's candid she's real she's true to herself and person she loves
Attimes she hates herself and wants to retribute since she thinks she deserves not so good things in life
But she's tender hearted and honest
Allergic to exhibitionist..
She's always there for that one person who's been a part of her life
And with him she has experienced the weirdest of things
He was the one who always understood her more than anyone else
Even when her world had shattered
She could get the courage to go back to him since he never judged her unlike others at any point of time in her life ..
However she'll never impose her decision on this person who's so close to her
Even in their silence there was love ..
She's like the cool breeze of late spring
Who leaves behind her aroma
And escapes into her world which is real with no drama
That's Marianne ,my favourite girl.

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