On a rainy night....
He remembered...
He remembered how he would feel
In all those crazy moments..
Moments he wished would last forever....
He remembered how he'd dream...
Oh those were good times..
He thought those times were crazy tho..
His emotions would go into overdrive..
He'd be diaphoretic for crazy reasons..
But he knew deep down..
Someday he'll miss it.. all of it..
And now he does!!
Oh what he'd give to go back to those times
When it was complex but simple...
Now it's simple but complex....
He knows it's all nostalgia..
Being in a melancholy mood..
He knows it'll pass.
But that doesn't make it easy...
This is the path he chose and despite all these..
He'd make the same mistakes all over again..
He's human and he's proud...
Someday it'll all be perfect or it won't..
Either way he'd live consoled perhaps by the fact..
The fact that he chose his path...
C'est la vie...
-
It's been a while..
More than a while...
The inferno is back...
A fire he turned his back on severally...
It's finally consuming him...
But what is it with these demons?
They are unrelenting, always lurking around.
He's rid himself of them severally..
But they keep coming back...
This time around he's capitulated..
This is it..
He's embraced the inferno...
Perhaps he shall rise like a phoenix..
Or perhaps only ashes may be left...
Either way he's accepted it..
His demons have caught up with him...
Something had to give...
And in the end he did...-
It was quiet .
There was clarity for the first time in a while
It made a little sense...
Then I wished there was no epiphany
Cos sometimes it's better to not know..
But when you do know it's "different"..
Either way I do know...
There's a bumpy ride ahead...
As unready as I am..
I do know it'll be fine...
But one thing is for sure..
Memories are forever.. And so are diamonds..
But most especially memories...-
It's the look..
I saw it in her eyes..
She wants to be tough..
She puts up a front
But it's pointless..
Her heart gives her away..
Noo.. not you..
Anyone but you...
I'm an inferno...
You'll get burned... Real bad..
You don't deserve me..
You deserve better..
I'm broken.. I'll change you.
It may be for good or for bad..
Either way I can't do that..
I can't hurt you..
I won't let me do it..
So I'll stop you and myself as well..
Ironically this may still hurt you..
But it's better than letting it play out..
Cos it's all too familiar...
And I know how it ends..
I'll hate to do that to you too..
Run child... Stay away..
Someday I'll be good..
I'd have exorcised my demons..
Then maybe I'll find you..
Another time.. another story..
And if the stars align then it'll happen..
If not... I'm making a choice I can live with....
Be happy.. just not with me in the way you want...-
I'm capitulating..
Nothing makes sense anymore
The ground should open wide
I'll feel much better away from all this
Just for a minute.
By a minute I mean a while
It's hard and I'm hanging on..
For how long though??
The days are longer..
Nights are shorter
I need a Halo..
It could be you..
Take me.. love me..
Make me better and I'll love you in a way no one will..
I'll be a better human..
But first I need that Halo...-
It's been a while..
It's happened again
We vibe, we flow, then it dies
Surely it must be me..
There's an allure about me..
A mystery that draws them closer
When they see it's not all it's propped to be
They move away quite briskly
It's a norm for me
At least no one was truly hurt this time
Other times they're in too deep
And I sometimes become cavalier
About everything even their feelings..
And I know it hurts them
But it's a necessary evil...
But this time it wasn't me.. Was it??
I dunno anymore..
Even when I keep myself away
I keep on drawing them closer..
What to do.. what to do??
Either way, it is what it is..
And like one of my favorite artists sang
"We don't talk anymore like we used to"
And that's a story I'm now all too familiar with...-
What to do when someone loves you?
Is there a textbook way to act
I personally feel so much pressure
I mean I want to be loved
But I know how capricious I can get
I hate seeing them get hurt
But once it gets to this point,
My actions and inactions are the problem
What to do?
No to scorn another soul
I try to avoid it but maybe I want it
But I do know one would love more than the other..
That's how it's gotta be.
I hope I'm not a villain
But I know eventually it'll be on me
Cos my demons will come out and I'll withdraw.
How long will this go on?
Too long might be more scary than too short.
What a conundrum!
Maybe it'll be better or NOT..
Someone should really write then on what to do when she loves you..
But that'll will be cheating no¿
Either way I think I'm perturbed...
But it's just another day in my life I guess..-
As the water surely reaches shore
Surely it'll get better
It feels lonely in here
Like I'm on an island
But I'm just in my head
Filled with rooms
Rooms I built with you..
No pain no gain
I've endured the pain
So where is the gain??
I know it's still out there
Something sweet and true
Maybe not with you
But still I know
As the water will flow
One day my love with blow
And she will be there to take it all..-
On an eventful day
The call came in
One which was hopeful and scary..
One which he expected
But not on that eventful day..
Any other day could have sufficed.
Or maybe not.
But surely not on that day..
He answered with fear and hope and excitement
But it was met with a rather cavalier question.
He knew that was it..
It'd been "it" for ages but he wouldn't accept it
He mutters some words trying to be strong.
Of what use is such powerless strength¿.
It can't stop what's already in motion..
There's no coming back from this..
For both sides..
But she was the stronger one and he always knew this..
It hit hard..
It hit home..
Everything blown to smithereens..
He can't imagine where it went wrong..
Where he went wrong..
This was his toughest trial till date..
Moving on from what he had come to be a part of
From all he knew..
Some say he'll never be the same
Some say he still cares deep down
Others say a part of him died that day..
They could all be wrong..
Or they very well could all be right..
Irregardless he's just another casualty of love
And in the cold light of day it's really just one of the things love does..
The bigger the spark, the faster and wilder the fire..
Ergo the inferno.
-
Everyday I get a different perspective
I can feel the pain some people bear.
Their eyes are a window to their soul
We all go through a lot
My struggles pale in comparison to some..
It goes both ways though.
We're all broken in some way
It's really subjective..
But I'm not looking to be fixed
I love my perfect imperfections.
They remind me of my short journey..
A journey through time and life..
So don't change me..
Don't try..
I know you can make me wanna change.
But I don't want to..
Take me as I am
And love me as I would love you..-