"I am losing my interest in human beings; in the significance of their lives and their actions. Someone has said it is better to study one man than ten books. I want neither books nor men; they make me suffer."

- The Night Came Slowly by Kate Chopin

I feel the world is all a shade of black, things hidden in the shadows. Things, and secrets. Men have many of these things and secrets; which I do not care for. They make up lies and hide the truth, all to make others suffer for their success, and act all surprised when they are the ones who end up suffering. This endless cycle bores me and I feel ever tired of the darkness of this world. I long for color, bright colors outside of the books. That is why I cannot read: anymore. Aside from the books that are filled with the same as this black world is, those books of bright warmth and color, such striking color that awakens one to the beauty this world might yet hold, color that I truly long for, oh I cannot read them any longer. I don't not want to read of a world I can't ever see. The pain is too great when the book is done. So perhaps one day, my interest will peak again, but for now I only suffer.

-

Like a bird
who has no nest
he strolled,
he strolled from the blurry mountains
to the abiding oceans,
He was a nomad with no shelter
But enough ink
to breathe through poems.
Then
he met a fairy
who appeared from the woods
where he wrote his poems.
The fairy in a white gown
The fairy with velvety wings,
wings that promised him a sky
to fly.
She told him
He should get a shelter
She told him
Love could be his home
She told him
Life would be beautiful.

-

I wander
through deserts of pain
through gardens of memories
in search of what i lost
i am a vagabond
i am homeless
and
i wander
in search of you.

-

someone

found myself hiding
from the bitter
storm
cold heart, wet hair
and dewy eyes
still hands, safe and warm
never dreamed of going out
i heard someone calling
from the misty rain
and raging winds
there i saw a beautiful friend
feet drowned under
waves of hopes
and dreams.

-

there was an invisible string
that entwined our hearts
tying you to me
couldn't see,
only feel
the pull
can you feel it, the isle of love forever ?
the test of time
pulled the string taut
it stretched and stretched
and slowly it shed
at peculiar crevices
to give way to an arm ;
my arm

because it was never an invisible string
just me trying way too hard to hold onto
you
and i could only go on so long
before i couldn't hold on

alone.

-

in the end ~ some told
and some untold.

-

"you"

you know, and i do, too
you're going to fall out of love with me
there'll be times when your love will leave
maybe a few or maybe, quite a many times
but that's alright -
i don't really mind it
i don't want you to live with the purpose of
loving me
i don't want your existence depending on whether
you love me
it would be a hollow experience
unfulfilling, even
what i want is for you to want me
and no matter how many times you fall out
i want you to choose me over
and over
pick me even after you leave
because i make you angry
or sad
or when i tire you out
pick me once, come back to me, however
many times
i want you to leave
only if you'll come back to me
only if you wish to still keep me
only if at the end of the day, through the haze
of your exhaustion,
you tell me, "it's always going to be you"

-

i stumbled upon your photos today
by chance
and i
dint
feel
anything.

a sigh of relief was followed by that
of agony ;

i have been waiting for this day
for so long
when the thoughts of you don't steal my breath away
and the fists clenching my heart
can finally take a rest
and all the 'what could've beens' stop
troubling my head.

and now today all that has gone
leaving behind an emptiness so
profound
that i would rather hear the echoes of
my angst-ridden heartbeats
than
nothing
at
all.

-

friday :/

it seems like every time
my eyes behold you
my heart skips a beat ;
your tousled dark brown hair
those strong, arched brows and
thick eyelashes
your eyes, a mesmerising deep blue ocean
those lips, soft and captivating,
can't help but blush
or perhaps it is my silly heart
foolishly yearning for something that will
never be there ;
i like feeling your skin against mine
your arms wrapped around me
while i lay across your chest
your hand fitting perfectly into mine
selfish i am ; i'll always be
and i feel our time running out
i wonder if you share my urgency
if you know my insecurities
if you feel what i feel,
what will become of you and me when
friday comes to an end ?

-

Ocean.

It is okay to be
harsh and brutal,
sometimes.

Even the ocean needs a tsunami
to remind itself about what
it can be.

-