Day by day, your image is turning blurred
I have started to forget your face, the curves of your lips, the depth of your dimples, how you looked when you smiled,
I have started to forget what your touch felt like, and how your voice felt like chimes, or was it serene? - I do not remember!
I like this - the power to forget,
I hate this - that I cannot remember
And one day all of this ; my memory of you will turn to dust,
As it must!
Yes, you feel as old, like the iron bar that has started to rust, and I cannot undo, paint you fresh in my memory.
Or I can't keep you there : forever
But as much as I hate it, I like it too
The paradox : of me and you.
Little by little, day by day
You and everything about you ;
Has stared to fade away.
It's a sweet ache that I feel ;
A war between the brain to remember and heart to heal!!

-

Even after you've left, you have not left at all.
I can smell you everywhere. When I get into my bed, I find your mushy fragrance in my sheets,
When I enter my room, I smell you in the smoky air that's filled with weed.
The last remains of the joint reminds me of you,
And so you've left and not left at all,
Have you?

And even if you left the room, did you leave my body; my mind?
Because wherever I go, I'm carrying you all over my flesh, everytime.
You're all over me, alive in the hickeys I carry.
Blossom or bruises,
Scarred or withered
Marked all over, like I'm your territory.
You've grown on me, so wherever I go, it's you whom I carry,
On me, all over me
So you left but did not leave at all.

-

And maybe it's the urge to exist,
To feel that I am here ; in flesh and blood, breathing!
Not quiet ; that allows me to get close to you.
So, when your lips touches mine,
I know : that I exist
That I'm not a mere illusion,
I won't vanish into thin air.
So when your fingers intertwine with mine, warm;
I know that I exist, in flesh and blood, breathing!
It's the yearning that runs deep down the spine, I'm not hollow
The heart desires to feel ;
So when we pace to catch our breaths, heavier ; the unrest
I know I exist.
I fancy disappearance though,
Mostly, in a crowd ; invisible, you know?
But alone, the impulse gets stronger -
To feel and to be felt
So when your warmth permeates into me,
Beyond our physical bodies, I see!
I know that "I exist, in flesh and blood ; breathing!

-

And now,
It's just a touch, just a kiss
No more sacred,
No more pure.
You want me, I'm yours
You have me, you want more.
Little less pious, no more pure.
Do I want it too, can't be sure!
Will I stop you, not any more.
It's just a touch, just a kiss,
Not sacred anymore.
I'll not stop you, even when it hurt,
I'll not move, Ig I want to feel loved.
But do you lust me, or your desires run 'fore?
Will I object, not anymore.
Bite me, tear me
Just a touch or more than a kiss.
Have me all to you,
Nay, not a bliss.
Should you choose -
emotions
or the pleasure before?
So be it - not sacred anymore.

-

I am tired, alone
I miss you
But you are gone.
I long for you,
I sob,
Was it a sin?
I chose to love.
I'll admit,
I wanted to stay,
But, not leave you in jeopardy,
Preferred to walk away.
I was told am selfish,
What did I do?
Every time I left,
I still chose you.
And I promise,
I'll lock up all my feelings
Just as you taught me to
And pretend in the morning,
I don't love you.

-

It takes so much to move on from something, you never thought you will have to move on from!

-

It's okay!
Isn't that what we say no matter what happens?

-

Every time when someone around me dies, or the people lose their loved ones It makes my heart pound and then instantly takes my mind to a time when I might be in their place. So I try to make myself stronger for a future I might never know when knocks my door. What if I lose someone I love, I care about, no matter at what point that would be, will I be able to keep my pieces together, reminding myself the same that i remind others, "Death is the inevitable" and it has to knock your door one day, you like it or not.
So I try to keep my composure and make my-self more resilient and ready to accept this reality, that one day people are meant to go away- forever!
And some day, at some point I'll lose em'. But that's alright, isn't it? The universe works that way.
It's just the acceptance that matters. That it's okay to lose people, but will I ever understand the same thing that I try to make people understand?
Right now - am trying to, so hard I tell you. One day I'll be ready to lose people and deal with the pain that comes with it or maybe I'll experience no pain at all.

-

I wanna write on a sheet of paper how exactly I feel today,
But i know even the paper won't be able to gulp down what I have to say,
So I leave it empty worded!

-

Sometimes I study because I fear,
I'll think about him when am free,
Other times I study coz am
Passionate about my dream.

-