I'd love to see you smile without me.

-

I wonder
Is there a teeny tiny possibility?
Just hypothetically of course
It doesn't even have to mean anything
But I just want to know
Could it be?

Or is it just an illusion?
A beautiful illusion, in a world that isn't so...harsh.
A world where I just lacked confidence and not beauty, not talent and you'd remember me
My brain trying to protect my heart
From being frozen in pain

Sometimes I wonder what it's like
To feel your breath against my skin
Your soft touch
A hug, that's just for me
Your gaze lying on me, just me.

Now I know it's just so stupid to even dream about it...
You and me? That could never be
Not when there are so many beauties in the world
I mean... Look at me.
What do I even have to offer?

No clear skin, no voice one could listen to, no athletic body nor any fame or talent to show off. I've got nothing. At the end, it's just me and my self pity

-

Don't care, won't care
Sometimes I wonder if it's worth it
Is it better to be lonely and left out than to be sitting and wondering if anyone will ever care about you?
When will it be my turn to speak?
Am I ever going to get to talk about what excites me? About what problems I have? My love life?
Are those friends or is it just company? Am I wanted or just a burden?

-

I love my skin,
brown but not like chocolate,
not like coffee,
but sometimes else.

Something, food couldn't describe
No object in the world compares to it.
It shines in the sun,
glows like gold.

It darkens in summer and gets lighter in winter.
I love all the versions.
My arms are darker than my tummy and I love it.

It wasn't easy to get here, but I feel great.
It's a wonderful feeling to feel good in your own skin.
A feeling, I wish everyone could feel.

It can not be formed or defined by other people's opinions, but your own.

-

Have you ever heard of FOMO?
-Fear of missing out.
My friends do a million things-
But I can't join them on everything
I have to study.
But what if I don't go?
What if they don't invite me the next time?
What if I'll lose the only friends I have?
I'm already not the most exciting person to be around...

-

She's nice and never has a problem with anyone.
Everyone likes her. She's nice.
But there's a difference between being nice and being an honest person.
I would always chose bravery and standing up for the right thing instead of being nice and unproblematic.
Being unproblematic is what causes oppression, it's what caused disasters like the holocaust.
Millions of people died, because others chose to be unproblematic. Wasn't that the real problem?
You're nice, but you're a villain.
You chose to watch people suffer.
I hate you from my whole heart.
This note isn't written out of sadness, happiness or other subtle emotions. It's pure hatred.
We used to be friends you know?
But friends don't ignore you. Friends don't invalidate your feelings when you just want to talk about a government that is against your whole life and everything your parents built for you.
Friends can have different opinions, of course, but not when it comes to basic human rights.

-

Million thoughts in my head
But when I speak, nothing comes out
Nothing, not even a single drop of the flood that's been clogging up my brain before.

I'm just the boring girl,
The girl that doesn't have a personality,
No thoughts on her, no comments
She's nice, some might say
But she's not known as the nicest
She's just like a side character
Like a non playable character in a video game...

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