After all this time,
I'm here looking at you with teary eyes,
A million words fumbling in my mind,
Can you look past my lip's disguise ?
I'm wearing my Azalea smile.
Can you understand my whispers behind my crooked walls.
It's not that I don't want to confess,
But like every other time,
I'm looking for reasons to not express.
Because you deserve someone flawless,
Like the beauty of the moon you write about.
And my life's full of mistakes throughout.
My love for you, honest and pure,
What if to some it's another excuse for me to allure.
Some nights I've wanted you to caress me
Like you hold your pen,
And burn me to ashes once we're done.
Infinite numbers on the platform but give me none.
You've had enough of one nights,
Tonight just look in my eyes and you would know
That all the roses blooming together will never suffice.
My heart, my soul, All yours
Would be enough to be your paradise.
I'm waiting for you to say yes,
Even when I've spoken nothing at all.
Beware, I could also be the reason for us to fall.
Would you still smile back at me,
An eye contact, To comfort us.
Is all it would take
After all those years of running away
We can be home.
Tell me, Will you be my last mistake ?— % &-
I don't know if I should be doleful or thankful.
To the person I don't even remember whose face.
Who handed me the pack of cigarettes
At the party the other night.
The cigarette, I swirled so swiflty around my fingers,
There's no other thing I have ever so carefully embraced.
The dusky ashes I spill around,
Careless of the melancholy stains I left.
And the smokey thoughts I made a part fo me,
For several other nights.
It was the first I ever held something rather someone so close.
But that was a long time ago.
Now every time I look further among my friends and foes,
Or everywhere I go.
I long for the same temptation within.
Sometimes I think it really was what I was holding,
The rush I miss, all over around my bare skin.
It took me months to confess,
Same day same place,
And packs of cigarettes lying around,
Some fancy some new.
But what I miss from my best night,
In the name of cigarettes, Is you !-
Some scars are carved too deep,
They become part of who we are.
Too many roses blooming on the surface,
Beneath it's still a tainted heart.
We're like a broken earthen pot, damaged and tattered,
Hiding beyond Our heart, Our lies. Our soul, Our disguise.
Sometimes we meet people, good and innocent,
Reminding us of our past versions.
For tainted souls like ours,
That rests in the eerie comforts of the nights.
Their sweet gestures make every sunrise worth witnessing.
Some of them are quite lucky,
They manage to make a rose bloom from us.
Love, efforts, intimacy and care.
But poor souls are not aware.
Every bit of sunshine or waters we receive makes bits of our sands drain,
From the very crevices guarding our scars.
For you see,
The pot's been broken for much longer than your flower would ever bloom.
Souls like us are cursed to spend our lives in darkness and in gloom.
Because in the end,
Our scars have been carved too deep,
They'll become part of us soon.
And the stories of our tainted hearts,
Would becomes legends, Under the moon.-
When I'd die, I hope they all come to my grave.
I wish for handful of lush flowers,
And five minutes of reconciling memories.
For a statue that bears my name,
I will be lying still,
"Six feet below" from where they'd stand.
Silently sleeping yet awake enough
To hear all that they would proclaim
"A wonderful daughter, A loyal friend".
A sweet smile and a few complaints,
I'll be watching Everything from the other end.
Maybe the tiaras, the cards,
And the flowers I receive with pleasing regards,
Would be enough to give me a smile,
For if there is an afterlife,
I'll be lying "Six feet below" for a while.-
Everything we truly love is never truly beautiful,
There's a part of it that's imperfect and broken beneath the surface.
The moon with all its blemishes,
Or the fallen flowers now adorned in my tiara that I cherish,
The stars falling across the infinite,
Or the tiring walk up the hill to savour the city lights.
The screams hidden behind your smile,
Or the unseen tears dripping down brides' eyes, walking to the aisle.
Thousands of words written and heard,
Yet we long to read those hidden in the shelves, in the cupboard.
They say some things are worthy only when broken,
That most eager hearts fall only for the damaged.
It's been a while since I've wondered,
How admiring the blackness for years
Is a task how beautifully i've managed.
Is it only me, or is it you too,
That falls for the blacks instead of whites.
And If you say yes,
I might find it hard to believe
Because there's something you still haven't fallen for
Something broken and shattered,
Me.
-
The elixir for hope raining tonight,
Seeps into my soul,
As the droplets trace my skin.
Familiar voices calling upon me from inside,
And I know there a battle awaiting within.
When I'm sitting idle or when it's 12 in the sunlight.
With I'm in thoughts as deep as the ocean,
Or when I'm in slumber at night.
I've heard these voices for a long time now,
I've heard them almost everywhere somehow.
Some say it's my angels, some say it's my demons,
But I know it's just me and my subconsciousness.
Uncertain how much is left of me for this life's quest.
But I'll carry this battle that fuels my void
Until the voices leave me at rest.-
I have nothing else but an Amaranth to offer as an adieu,
Bits of which I will carry with me, and so will you,
Reminding me of my mortal helplessness.
The cypresses blooming in my heart,
The daffodils and pansies usurping my consciousness.
To a stranger, a painter, or a trespasser,
All of this might be a wonderful panorama.
But to me and to those sharing my sentiments.
This is just the basket case of my despair and grief.
A basket I'll adorn,
With fresh flowers each day anew,
And with you gone,
Hoping a flower a day helps me through.
-
And one day,
When insomnia and a little madness,
Would take control of me,
And I will be reciting tales of my heartbreaks and vernal love.
One day when Thanatos himself,
Would be extending his arms to me from above.
Will you sit by me, and recollect our ride,
Laughing all through our memories,
Joyous and tenderly echy,
Will you be there beside?
Maybe I'll cry, Maybe I'll push you away,
Will you tell me about my stars that night,
Tell me, will you stay?
And when we're done reminiscing,
Maybe you'll stare into my eyes,
Maybe I'll do so into yours,
Maybe I'll tell you something I've wanted to say for a long time,
In that look, will you hold my hand ?
And smile at me like never before ?
The last moment I'll want to capture in my eyes,
For this lifetime and evermore.-
"Why are you so scared to confess that u love the traveller, you have clearly loved him all these years. Anyone who's been close to you, can see through you. Why don't you tell him? You neither confess nor let go."
And there was I, listening to all that my bestf was saying,
"You see, for someone who's seen the world already, I have nothing new. He's seen the world and lived Evey bit of it. Why will he fall back for me. I'm not scared to show him what lies in my heart, but only scared if he finds nothing worth loving me back when he peeps into my world. I don't have anything to offer, anything that he's already never seen before. Every bit of me that I will allow him to venture, will remind him of similar paths he's already taken before. I will not be anything new for him, and that's what scares me."
"But what if it's your heart, that's new for him?"
"Well that makes it all the more terrifying. Giving something that he has no idea of how to deal will make me more vulnerable, and him likely to break my heart. Anyways he's been down that road too."
So what will you do ?
I ? just what I was doing all along.
~Staring at the moon, hoping one day the Nights stay a little longer. 🖤-
//HOLLOW THOUGHTS//
All those years that I have surpassed,
Never did once I ever think of you,
Until today.
You came at my door,
Banging the very gates of my sentiency,
And before I could prepare myself for your arrival,
You demolished every piece of home I've built all these years.
My peace, my love, my tears, my fears.
Though this time I knew u wouldn't spare me,
Anything to start over with.
Maybe this is what you do,
Sometimes I think I'm cursed,
Other times I think It's you.
But who cares, if everytime the loss is mine.
I couldn't do anything to shut you away this time,
For you are inevitably unavoidable.
Maybe a part of me was longing for you,
Too much of happiness, to me seems like a crime.
Maybe a part of me was ready
For you to take over me,
Once and for all.
This silence is deafening, but peaceful.
Oh death, alas you came,
I've been waiting for a while now.-