It's okay to be not okay
It's okay,
to scream out loud to express pain to cry when you are damaged
to isolate yourself in the dark corners of the room
to be away from chaos
to say no
to make mistakes
to conserve and not let go
to be shattered and all alone
to be mistreated and disrespected
It's okay , to be not found
to be silent and introvert
to not being able to keep calm
to not be loved by all and fail everytime
to need a break to take out time for oneself
It's okay to put on a mask and laugh and cry at the same time
It's okay to be friends with all yet have none , to have endless thoughts and unspoken desires
It's perfectly fine to crumble within yourself , the pounding guilt...it's fine
It's perfectly alright to run away
Let's be exactly as it is
Your life's a beautiful canvas of black and white, of ups and downs
There's a beauty in pain for we cannot bloom in our light until we feel the thorns at night
Embrace your flaws and be who you are
Be a limbo in oblivion
It's okay to not match the society rules and stand weird
It's okay to be not okay

-

You kept your eyes close
You couldn't see me suffer
You didn't experience a glimpse of the amount of pain you caused to me
You broke your promise
You didn't stay by me when I needed you the most
You were way too busy in your own world
I screamed with pain unheard by you
I wanted you to break the walls I made
But you were gone
Didn't see me falling apart
I don't blame you for ignoring me
I blame myself for expecting so much from you
I am used to getting ignored but yours is hurting way too much
Little did I think of the pain and destruction, the toxicity of getting along with you,
You and your ego tortured me after everything I did for you
Frequency of blue ticks have reduced
Manifests where do we stand now
Can you even remember the last time we had a literal heart to heart conversation??
You forgot me in the wink of an eye
Feels like I never existed for you
I don't fall in your priority list anymore
All I want is for you to realize someday what you did to me and No matter what
You are always forgiven by me
You will always remain a constant in my life irrespective of any circumstance

-

I am listening to every insulting remark
Perceiving every word to put me down
Shoving me away with terms
And you are expecting a turn around?

You leave me pungent and ruthless
And my bosom at tug of War
Yet I am striving to understand
What all this loathe is for

Brutal expression fall from your lips
Diluting into my credence
Embracing me in a cocoon
Of braced self defense

I try hard to repulse what you say
By constructing barriers around me
Yet it really doesn't help
Hence I am left in grief and agony

I never manifest the torment outside
Internally I am aching with pain
Trembling with aversion
As you calmly drive me insane

Although you say you are mocking
And it's all just a joke
But you never get to tell me how to feel
About each letters you spoke

-

We are all wandering passengers,
Exploring our own separate roads ,
Expecting, craving, worshipping ,
That someone will come to share our load.

There's sunscald on our shoulders ,
And Blain on our feet ,
As we fight the tormenting blizzard ,
And the blazing summer heat .

Often we find somebody ,
Who's sailing on our path too ,
Whilst they walk beside us ,
The heaven seems a bit more blue.

Yet all lanes have twists and turns ,
Upon reaching the intersection ,
It's obvious life will pull you,
Into the conflicting directions .

Never give up on anticipating ,
When your track is a dead end ,
It's probable you will find a course ,
It's only really just a bend .

Eventhough others roads are discrete ,
Don't mean yours is wrong ,
So choose yourself back again ,
And thereby keep trudging on.

-

Every slash she made with her ink
Every work of art she crumbled again
Every expression that came dashing in
Every narrative she ever wanted to utter
Somehow ended up in the bin

She kept on establishing all over
Thousands of phrases she tried to alter
Till she came up with the right words after another
She achieved and started putting the pieces back together

A puzzle right after one another
Engraved in blood and tears of author
Her heart was filled with blazing fire
Until it was put out with frozen water

Somehow inside her mind she was confined
Crushed and catastrophic she was slowly getting poisoned
She started losing patience and control
She started sinking into the black hole

The desire to write vanished into thin air
She couldn't imagine any more in clear
Her pieces were never as sincere
It happened she lost her ink
Her most eminent fear

-

You glow in the aftermath
hovering between here and sleep
is light upon your lids
barely there with water color dreams.
You ask for a soft reminder,
gentle dragging fingertips
and sweet chaste kisses
from plush pouting lips.
You're asking the sun to dim its passion,
where I burn for the resistance of skin and bone,
radiating heat and hoping for the stars
to push closer and prove I'm not alone.
I want your breath puffing angry
against the way you crane my neck,
both fists tangled in my hair,
and one thigh pressed tight between my legs.
I want you to buck with downward fury,
want our hips to crash until we shake,
need these things while I lie here burning,
waiting for you to wake.

-

God has called and it's my time to leave,
he's invited me to join him in his home.
but remember that ill always be listening,
if your ever sad or feel your alone.
each time you hear the wind blowing in the breeze,
thats my reminder that your not to cry.
and each time you see the lightening in a storm,
thats me laughing up here, in the sky
this is going to be your final time with me,
i want your memories of me to be fun
do not think of me as dead and my life over,
just think of it as a new one has begun
I'm sorry for all the pain that Ive caused,
i hope all the bad feelings are behind
I'm sorry we don't have any more memories,
i guess i just ran out of time
I'm leaving behind all Ive ever known and loved,
I'm moving onto something different and new.
but don't you ever doubt that i didn't want to leave,
id rather be smiling here, with all of you
for now each of you has your own angel in the sky,
ill be watching over you day and night
and as long as i remain looking down on you,
you know you'll always be alright
I'm dead, and we know that is not going to change,
so i do not want to see anyone cry
your still here, and your life didn't end as well
the world hasn't stopped, though i died

-

Hey listen
Haven't we become distant??
We don't talk much these days right??
The call recorder last displays 6hrs dated in 2020 March
I miss the way we used to gossip
It's been a while since we have greeted each other and abated a laugh
The only contact we have now is few kilobytes on each others cell
We don’t speak our heart out these days
In faint hopes , can you confess what stopped us from being US ??
I feel we are becoming extremely divergent on the paths we are choosing.
I perceive i don't even know you these days....I don't recognize us 24/7.
Our relationship has got buried .
Things are different, we are drifting apart and I don't know how to fix it and this weird feeling kills me.
All I ever wanted is you by my side no matter what
I don't even remember when was the last time we spoke over a call or vc .
Seems like the priorities have changed under certain circumstances
In the ardour of elation somewhere we landed up from where we started.....STRANGER.....bizzare.
We are neither now on good terms nor on bad
We are now Simply Nothing
No more 2am chit chats nothing

-

A Subtle Deception

Beauty is an illusion,
To feed one’s mind off of other’s impressions,
To generalize humanity under a mask of deception,
To pollute nature with lies of acceptance,
Don’t fear yourself nor everything around you,
See it, embrace it and live it as it was gifted to you,
And once the superficial layer of change has past and your subconscious is no longer afraid,
Only then will joy flood your mind,
And you will be truly beautiful.

-

What do you do when you
Feel like you can’t quite fall?
Do you try harder to force
Yourself to hang?
Do you push yourself to forget
You were craving the noose?
What’s it like to walk
Into another’s life
Knowing
You’re walking out alone?
Can you hear the hearts
You break?
Do you even know you’re
Breaking them?
Have you ever tasted
The sharp tinge of
Bitter sweet agony
That comes from knowing
When you’re the wrong
Missing piece?
Do you ignore it?
Do you try
To make yourself fit
Anyway?
Am I in to deep?
Should I take the leap,
Or
Fall back into
Someone else’s place?

-