She looked up at me.
“Oh, Cheryl. My Dear.”
She said, surprised, trying to smile. Wiping the tear from her eye.
“I am really sorry, I did not think you would be back home so soon, I would cook something for you.”
Her face was as pale as a peeled potato, her freckles embossing the trail of tears those flown.
I said softly.
“Could I just sit with you for a while?”
I took off my bag pack and laid it by the wall before she nodded.
And sat beside her.
She was inexplicable, when you would see her you’d start asking questions to yourself and most of them would have an echoing ‘why?’ attached to them.
But she was beautiful, and that was certain.
And when you see beautiful people falling into a cliff for unexplainable causes, you decide that life is not always hard, it is sometimes just unfair.
I slid my arms in the gap between her arms and stomach and around her back and leant in towards her. She unbowed her legs and I found my place in her lap. She ran her fingers through my hair.
“Where does it hurt?
“Everywhere; But where it should be.”
I looked into her eyes, a shade of blue floating in the middle of white of them.
“It is the poisoner, and it is poisoning what it needs to stay, and then there is me somewhere in between this and it is so unfortunate that I am not the one who decides who would win, but in the end, I know, I’d lose.”
“I always thought that I am more than what makes me, but now as I slip, I realise I am nothing more than the structure inside my skin.
Deteriorating each moment, faster in your absence.”
“I am always here.”
“When I was your age, I loved theatre. Every Saturday I would head to the Broadway in the download by the cloth factory and they would play ‘Death of a salesman’.”
“And then in a scene, Willy tells Charlie that ‘Ultimately a man is worth more dead than alive.’
So, when the first time I saw it, I cried with everyone beside me. When Willy would die in the end so to provide his son Biff with the insurance money.
But in the next times, and each of it, I would start crying when he’d say ‘Ultimately a man is worth more dead than alive.’
Because every moment after it being said, I could see the death in the eyes of the old man playing Willy. Because he knew it and I knew it. And it did not matter if anyone else did.
There are some people, Cheryl, who think that they are meant to do something special in this world and fail themselves when they can’t
I am one of them.”
“Do you remember being young?”
“I remember everything, and I don’t want to forget it.”
“I love you, Mom.”
I rolled myself burying my face in her stomach.
“Love you too sweet.”
She kissed my hair.
We remained there for a while.
She had not cooked for herself that noon, I made ourselves some pasta by the evening.
She looked happy for the rest of the day. We talked and waved to cars those would pass on the road.
I felt tired, early in the night I collapsed on my bunk and slept while thinking about the old man from the bar.
11 JUL AT 23:37