The sun was high and far, hidden behind the dark clouds. Sky was brown as the leaves of Autumn. I looked down, the sea was vast and horizon seemed to be the last end of this world.
Amanda once talked about horizons, maybe she knew a lot about them.
She believed that they are infinite, one after other and the offing is endless. She believed there is no escape from the miseries of this world. And I hated it now that she was on the other side. That she left me here knowing that there are other ways to get past the world.
I could see water striking the base of cliff.
The white of it is always all on the shores, where it hurts.
I wanted to fall.
There is a point, I knew, from where you could stand up and throw a stone off the cliff telling the other side to fuck off, and go back to your home.
And there is a point, from where you could realize that the only home you have is the world you created around a person who exists no more. And it is hard not to fall when you are on that point.
The leap is not when you fall, it's when you know there is no point in standing.
I stood up, closed my eyes and opened my hands. I looked at the sky, I saw a room painted black, the weak sofa kept in middle of it and the broken mirror of bathroom.
I smelled the air around me, I was sad. I took a step forward, and smiled.
It was my time to go.
And for sure I would have fallen, if it was not Ian grabbing my shoulder from behind.
"Everett fucking sparks.
Were you going to fall off that damn cliff?"
He slapped me before I could reply to him.
"I can't let you die."
He hugged me and repeated the same sentence until he was convinced I am not going to fall.
And when I saw it, the sea from beside his head. I felt stupid of myself.
"Yes, Ian, yes. I know you won't let me die.
We sat on the ground. The sky was clear now, I could see the sun.
I asked him how did he get here.
"I went to your house to tell you that I am leaving today.
You were not there, and your novels were kept open upon the table. I read them. Supposedly you wrote your own falling-off-the-fucking-cliff suicide plan as an ending to each of them."
He laughed saying.
"So, you are leaving today."
"No. we, are leaving today. I have got plans for you as well.
Though we are quite late on our way."
He said in a serious voice,
"I want you to come with me Everett. Will you?"
I stood up, and he followed.
"Yes, but wait, I gotta do something first." I said.
Ian kept looking at me as I went to the end of cliff.
I picked up a stone from ground and threw it off the end.
This was the point, and this time I knew what to shout to the idea of going to the other side.
"Maybe someday, all the stars will fall. But the light will always remain.
Amanda once said,
They are just like me."
19 JUN AT 0:00