It felt bad. It is bad most of the times when you have to say someone a goodbye before they would even leave and after that they just get back to their home and you to yours. They leave the next day to somewhere without seeing you again and the goodbye feels to be a made up thing.
 
How bad of a compulsion it is when you need to bid a farewell before someone has actually left. 




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#YQbaba The next morning when I woke up, I found myself in a room that felt more lonely than it ever had been. My pillow had a large round spot formed out of my saliva dropping upon it. It felt wet and stuck to the corner of my mouth, I flipped it to the other side and looked at the clock. I figured out that Amanda would have left the city by now. It felt bad. And It is bad most of the times when you have to bid someone a goodbye before they would even leave and after that they just get back to their home and you to yours. They leave the next day to somewhere without seeing you again and the goodbye feels to be a made up thing. How bad of a compulsion it is, when you need to say a farewell before somebody has actually left. I made myself some beans and omelet after messaging her that I missed her. For the next few hours until it was noon, I played video games and read some books. And when I just knew it was the right time, I switched off lights in my room and set up my bed, laid down and dialled to her phone. It does not take more than a moment before the lines get connected, but it does take a moment. And in that moment I actually hoped for her voice from the other side of phone. Voices are assurance of one's existence and I liked hers. I thought about the thousand different tones in which I could say a hello to her and I wanted to try them all. In a particular meaning to all my feelings, I concluded, I wanted my time with her. Her phone was switched off. I did not expect it to be. I dialed again. And again until I was tired of it. I wanted to apologize to her. Maybe for nothing but in my life I had learnt that apologizing is the safest way to get to talk to someone. However, she was not there and it built a fact that I could not talk to her let alone apologize. Distance builds premises that you never had thought existed in between certain people and you. I believe everyone knows how it feels to be alone, but I am assure I felt more alone than everyone else does. I waited until night to get a call back from her. It never arrived. I dialed to her again. It was still switched off. I turned off the lights, flipped the pillow back to the side where it laid the spot. And slept. (To be continued in later parts.)

16 JUN AT 11:41