How i wish it was okay to be vulnerable sometimes ,
To be not able to get up and run but just stay at the equilibrium for a while ,
To hold back and stop and breathe for a second ,
To live
To love
To laugh
To blush
To smile
To be happy just the way i am ,
Even if its broken or fragile .

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Yet another time , you deceive my confidence
Leaving me in despair of courage to bundle up and ponder on where i went wrong . Finding me another reason to be able to blame the truth in those beautiful tales i heard while growing up about how natural it feels to be privileged of that beautiful feeling which i certainly cannot admire or dream of anymore .

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Main udti patang ki dor
Main pavan ka vo zor
Main leharati ghata
Main dhoop ki vo fiza
Main samandar ki lehar
Main chehchehata vihang
Main sawan ki vo barsaat
Main vo ek naya pehla ehsaas
Main dhoop ki vo kiran
Main kheth ka chaman
Main chav ki ghata
Main ped ki lata
Main ful pe baithi titli
Main timir ka prakash
Main hu jaise ek meethi si muskaan.

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Main vo parinda ban aasma ki aur udhh chala
Jo kisi kaid mein na fass saka
Cahh kar bhi khud ruk na saka
Main bas safar karta aage badh chala
Thamne se kyu main dar gaya?
In sawalo k beech main
Raftaar ki ulfat galiyo mein khudko khookar udaan bhar chala !

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Bhaagi main jis dagar se gali gali
Hai laa khada kia zindagi ne Doobara vahi
Ye chauraaho ki mushkil tedhi-medhi raaho k beech
Samjhati-suljhati khudko fuslati chal padi hu main firse khadi
Uljhano k darmiya thi jo main bhatak rahi darbadar
Ab ujalooo ki duniya k sapno k aur kareeb
Fir ek aas-ehsaas ka diya jala kar
Na thamne ki koshish hu main kar rahi!

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He Only Loved The Cushion Of Warmth And Care I Could Provide But Was Incapable Of Putting Up With My Pain And Sorrow .

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Har vakt, har pal khudko kisi aur k khwaabo mein dhundh rahe they hum, aaj fir badh chale hain khud ki talaash
Khud k khwaabo mein karne .
Anjaan raasto pe musafir aksar dil behla jate they, dil toh aawara hain par abki baar dil k saath dimag bhi sambhalne ka prayaas kar rahe hain hum. Khwaabo ki iss galiyo mein, khudko khokar, khudko paane ki koshish mein , fir ek baar chal diye hain hum !

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In wait of that one bright day
My eyes lay dry and grey,
To be able to see what the dawn has
Hopeless heart screams and pray,
Life is asking me to give up
But i want to silence it and stay,
Cowards leave and give up in between
Telling this to myself in every way,
It's not easy and there's lots of pain
But it's not impossible is what i say!

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Achrajh ki baat ye hain ki log ab meri khaamoshi par bhi jhagadne lage hain !!

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Ever felt zoned out? All alone by yourself, people calling out at you saying " its all your struggle ,you choose it to be this way, now go stand n face it, its not our deal " . Fate also waves at your luck a goodbye! Everyone standing with you while you felt the success now left giving you the cliched reasons . crying, howling, screaming in the cornor of a room in the darkness where no one can see or feel you are weak and need strength to stand back again, you yourself compose and console self to put your mind at ease but failing which again get into a nightmare of pain. Everyone have their stories but this was a different one, cause there was no fear of failure but certainly pain in heart of all the gloom of again finding lone self celebrating another brave step and ready to face a struggle despite of knowing ,this might bring me down all over again!

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