You say you want to paint my canvas with the brightest colours but somehow, somewhere else they seep from your kaleidoscopic heart...
You say you want to make my forlorn heart effervescent again but somehow you leave me forlornly desolate...
If it isn't your velleity, are you just insouciant, leaving me in your past when you still possess my present?

-

And just like that
My hydrangeas
Of emotions wilted
When you stomped
On the fertile soil -
My heart...

Marching to the
Rhythms of my
Fleeting heartbeat,
You turned my
Holy ground to
Vitreous ice, adorned
With icicles, something
Totemic to a winter,
Masquerading
As the Grim Reaper.

Now all there's left
Are corpses of
Memories, reminiscent
Of good times, lost
Somewhere in a
Faraway past, now
Hovering like
Diminishing clouds.

-

Amara's Diary:
* M E M O R I E S *
Haunted place for conversations with sacred ghosts...

• C A P T I O N E D •

-

• S O N G S A N D V E R S E S •

I was a poetess before you
Sauntered towards my home
Verses about cosmos and
Other things philosophical...

With you, I became a trobairitz
Wandering around the sun and back
Hand in hand with hearts full of
Lyrical affection, tender and profound...

After you, I still dress as a trobairitz
But, au fond, I'm a dying balladeer
Withering verses, verklempt in your absence
The music in my chest, now stentorian
Corrupting memories of all things yours...

-

• G I R A N D O L E S •

I thought we were a marriage of lights.
You, Sirius; shimmering concoction
Of cerulean with frosted white
Me, Aurora; undulating sheets of emerald
With kisses of violet and vermillion
Illuminating the world below and the sky above...

Little did I know we weren't anything
But two gormless girandoles
Buring too bright, spiralling too fast,
Perambulating towards their own collapse.
And when we burnt out, you me and everything around
Turned to nothing but cadaverous drokes of ashes...

-

Everyday I'm falling apart
Without you holding my heart.
And I've drowned in this ocean of sadness
I'm lost in this forest of madness.
And you were going and gone
It never took you too long
To leave me in this darkness.
My portrait, now artless
I can't imagine you
Not being there for me
I can't imagine you
Breaking my heart and leaving.
If only I had known my fate
I never would've walked this lane
With you, I never would've held your hands.
Those late night conversations
Never would've made me smile
I never would've waited for you down the stairs
And you never would've seen my face for years.
I wouldn't be floating in space
No hooks, no grounds, I'm unmoored
No light has passed me for years
I can't see my shadow, my eyes of tears
This dark hole has become my home...

-

• I N F I N I T E E N C O M I U M S •

We wake up to the call of Helios of this age;
We sleep under the effulgence of Artemis of this time;
We breathe in the rhythmic whispers of Aeolus in synchrony
And yet, why is it I feel you belong to some distant era I haven't felt or seen?
Your chivalry dances to the rules not known to this generation;
Your affection to choruses this world left long behind;
Your adoration for my jocular impishness, tender and elegant as your Gallicism filled conversations
Make me want to drown myself in the zeitgeist of your being.
And I know I would fall short to capture your benevolence embellished with beauty
Even if I scrawl and scribble encomiums as many as there are stars in this megacosmic galaxy...

-

Lonely night, illuminated by Blood Moon
I stood, watching a world underwater
On the brink of our favourite brook.
The sky, the trees, the moon
Mirrored in vignette filter, looking prettier in reflection.
Surrounded by fireflies, I was waiting for you
To run away; a dream of evermore.
I listened to songs of the night owl
Crickets and cicadas lent their melodies too.
Time passed like ripples in water
But no sign of you being near
Only fireflies and their surreal patterns.

Pines and conifers looked like
Haunted mountains for ghosts to gather;
It was a gloomy night
I was alone but the sky was forlorn.
The stars hid behind clouds, closing their window
Even the moon turned scarlet from crimson.
The air blew, whispering sinister tales
Hair stood on the back of my neck; still waiting...

Night turned to midnight; midnight turned to dawn
But nothing came towards me except for this looming storm.
I walked home; anger fired my inside from betrayal
When I stumbled upon something,
Freezing the fires inside.
You laid there, bathed in cold, dried blood
Peaceful face, lifeless eyes, an eternal stupor...
Perhaps, the sinister breeze was warning me
Of your ominous death occurring...

-

I welcomed you with open arms
To the penetralia of my heart...


• C A P T I O N E D •

-

Isn't love a curious thing?
We crave for it without knowing what it is
Feel it, hold it, cradle it, fall in it
But can we fathom what jewels will it bring?
I wonder...How can we want something
So fiercely when it's nothing
But a beguiling mystery?

I wanted love too
Like every other breathing fool
To live it and give it and so did you
Or so I thought or perhaps, you did; true
Only to come out soon.
And when I was making our home
You, with all your bearings left on your own.

So, here I am, pondering and wondering
Is love really worth it?
Patience, pain, sacrifice in vain
My contemplations circling like my wedding ring
Used to be a halo, now it's just a metal ring.
All leading to nothing but the darkest pit
Inside me I thought could never exist.

With tears, I walk. I walk out brave when the sun goes up
Broken glass on soil, smeared in blood.
Crimson glow amidst pristine snow
Testimony to my decimated hopes
Scars on my feet, Hieroglyphics depicting our love's defeat.
A token of my failed pursuits
A reminder every time I'd fall like a fool.

-