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I wasn't a fan of star gazing but when we moved to different cities, I started watching the night sky. I used to gaze at the stars for long, we talked over the phone in our balconies and on days we fought, I cried looking at the stars.
Stars connected us. We were living apart still looking at the same sky, sharing the same vision and enjoying our little moments.
Later, you started avoiding me and the stars for someone else. Now you wanted to see the moon with her, sitting together. While I still kept staring at the stars, teary eyed and hoping, you would call. But nothing happened. You abandoned me for her. You abandoned the stars for the moon.
Still, we look at the same sky but our visions are different.

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I went to Sarojini yesterday. Yes, the busy flee market. The market has colors, characters and stories. One such story was ours. I visited the shop, we got the soda from. The experience was overwhelming. I got reminded of the conversations, the playful gestures, the care, the warmth. Everything.
While, I was still reminiscing those memories, my friend got me an ice-cream and while eating it, she got it all over her face. Another friend got into an argument while bargaining and the other one was helping me find decent footwear. I had soda again. But this time with them. We laughed unnecessarily and roamed carelessly.

While on our way back from the market, I tried remembering what you said at the metro station but I couldn't.

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You said, "it's effortless"
I believe, "efforts define us."

You said, it was effortless. From falling into love to sailing through it. I smiled. You misinterpret it to be a smirk. You bring year old topics to life, to strengthen your arguments. I spent an hour, convincing you, it wasn't. "It was just an innocent smile", I said.

Now you realise, nothing is effortless. It's just, I made you believe it was. Just like I did when I smirked.

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You were online yesterday. I typed few words and then pressed backspace for long enough to erase all my emotions that were screaming for your attention. Back then you said texting isn't your thing. I also didn't force you to text but made a call whenever I got a chance. You know how difficult was it for me to make calls because I lived with my parents. Everytime I saw you online and texted you, I anticipated a reply but all I got was cold vibes wrapped in "I am working". In short you hated to text but I guess you are all transformed now. Last year your archived chat was too long for me to read and my teary eyes didn't cooperate as well. I was shocked not because you were seeing someone else and didn't even bother to tell me but because now you were comfortable with texting. You are online again, at 3 in the night. I hope you are enjoying texting now.

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//Lime Soda & You//

You were like,
lime soda to me.
You cheered me up,
Amidst the blazing negativity.
Just like those tiny bubbles,
Reaching for the surface
You brought up the bliss,
In my cracked heart.

I was busy enjoying us,
And you kept,
Rotting me, rusting me
From deep within.
I felt it but couldn't let you go,
For, I loved lime soda and you.
But soda is a sly destroyer
And my love, so were you.

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Your first expensive purchase were those premium wired headphones. "They are pure magic " you told me. You never let them tangle and no one was allowed to touch them. Seasons changed and so did your preferences. Now wireless headphones were the new hype. "They are sleek, sophisticated and easy to handle", you told me. "Wired ones create chaos." "They don't let me move freely", you said. The transition was swift and now those wired ones were left unattended. You abandoned them.
One day while sipping coffee you broke your phone. "It slipped out of my hands" you said. "I knew it was going to break" "Last week too, it slipped out of my hands but the headphones prevented the mishap", you added. "Those wired ones?", I asked. "Yes they were plugged in at that moment" "They held it back", you said.
Few years later, you abandoned me. In your opinion, my emotions held you back. I brought chaos to your life. You chose someone very modern, I was old school in your opinion. You seemed happy then. I really doubt it now. I wish you understood, not everything that holds you back is annoying sometimes it prevents mishaps too.

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Congratulations! finally you bought a car.I remember, how badly you wished to own a car back then. Your love for cars was clearly evident, everytime we visited any place. The car parked infront of that restaurant, we went to after you got your first salary or be it that car which honked unnecessarily in the traffic jam on that cold night when we went out for shopping. You admired the beauty of cars more than you ever admired me. You always told me how you wished me to be the first person to sit in your car. We even made a list of places we wished to go to on road trips.
Today after I checked your WhatsApp status, I felt extremely happy for you. I was a part of your journey and the hard work that you did to turn your dreams into reality.I also came across another picture on your insta, the one in which your lady love is sitting comfortably in your car and I guess you both are off on some road trip.
(Ask her to put her shoes off the dashboard else she will ruin your dream car as she ruined my dream relationship )

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I am suffering from back pain. Yes, you guessed it right my posture isn't right while reading or doodling. I wish you scolded me like you did when I didn't take proper care of my meals and medicines. Those days are no less than a fairy tale to me. Everything was so bright and warm. Even the fights back then, now appear to me more like the affection we had for each other. Yesterday I texted you regarding the medicines I took for back pains as you are good at remembering names whether of people or medicines. You were also good at remembering dates. You never forgot the date when we first met. But I guess you're memory degraded with time because you completely forgot to tell me about your new girlfriend when we were already in a "relationship".

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One night he had put up a status on one of his social media accounts. The status had a rotten quote on love and attention (obviously he isn't as talented as me, to write original quotes).
I saw the post and my eyes rolled. My mind and heart were in a scuffle.I started recalling all past events, where possibly I could have been rude to him.
I pre-assumed,the status was for me. When you are in a relationship with a person,ideally all their posts are for you.And it had "love" in it,which censored all hopes of it being for someone else.My heart approved my innocence but my mind started showering all kinds of darts at me.Darts of doubts, insecurities and self-hatred.To end this chaos, I texted him, asking the reason for the status he had put up.
I was busy stroking the keypad.I was trying to weave my explanations when he replied.
"Don't assume things"
"It isn't for you".
My heart skipped a beat.My fingers stopped and my eyes shut down.I pressed the backspace key for long enough to erase all my insecurities.A haunting void, surrounded me.
Ever since I have believed,he loved me.He truly did.With a reply so lucid,he saved me from being a much more vulnerable person,I could ever be.

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