The first time i saw a international breakfast buffet, was in 2023. I was in Athens for a meeting and they had arranged a four-star hotel for my stay. While checking in, the receptionist casually mentioned that breakfast is included. And the next morning there I was- which indian says no to free food!
And there it was, so many types of food. I had never seen something like that before. There were 7 types of croissants, 5 different types of cake slices, three types of pastries and a lot of other things I don't even know. There were a rainbow of fruits and juices. and things too fancy for my vocabulary. Everything was arranged with so much care. I had only seen these in movies. — % &I filled my plate with as many items as I could and sat down at a table. A beautiful attendant came over and asked if I’d like some coffee. I smiled and said, “No, thanks.” And at that moment, something shifted inside me. I don’t know what it was—maybe confidence, maybe a quiet kind of self-realization. But that small "no" stirred something deep within me.— % &I remembered the days when I left home to a nearby town after my 10th exam to continue my studies. I was staying in a small hostel that provided lunch and dinner. Our financial situation wasn't well. My mother’s pension was our only source of income, and more than 75% of what we had—was being spent just on my studies. I couldn’t even think of asking for extra money. And the result! I had no money for snacks or anything beyond what was served in the hostel mess. Pocket money was a luxury. And it was hard. Lunch would start at noon, but I’d be up early, circling the kitchen, waiting for the first sign of food. Some mornings I missed class because the hunger was too overwhelming. I still remember the desperate craving I felt for even a piece of bread.
— % &People often ask me now why I skip breakfast. They tell me it’s unhealthy. They ask if I’m doing intermittent fasting. But I never say the real reason. For me, skipping breakfast wasn’t a choice—it was my life. I don’t mind staying hungry for a whole day, but even a five-minute wait for food can trigger anxiety. I hate that feeling—the waiting, the helplessness. The waiting makes me anxious, not the absence.
— % &So, you see, from that hostel corridor to having a breakfast buffet in Greece, life has come a long way. That morning, when I said no to free coffee because my plate was full, I felt something I hadn’t felt before: power. Privilege.
And this privilege I have, sometimes makes me feel whether I deserve all of this. What have I done in my life, that millions haven't!— % &I recently watched a clip of Javed Akhtar from Angry Young Men, and he said something that stayed with me. He spoke about how deprivation of food and sleep leaves permanent marks. He also said that even today, sometimes, he wonders if he deserves everything he has.
And in that moment, I felt seen. If someone like Javed Akhtar can feel the imposter syndrome, maybe I’m not alone. Maybe it’s okay to carry both gratitude and guilt. Maybe we’re all just trying to make peace with where we’ve come from—and where we’ve reached.— % &

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A poem half written

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My grandma's cat and the girl with the round glasses

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Sometimes i cry thirsty
in the bottom of a swimming pool.
And sometimes i look at the empty sky
and wonder,
if the rain has already passed
and I didn't notice.

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You are the North Star
I wish upon at night,

without you
I am directionless.

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सोचरहे अपने दर्द से ही करले प्यार का इज़हार,
शायद इसी बहाने वो भी दूर हो जाये हमसे।

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तेरे तसव्वुर की इन्तेहा
चाह कर भी नाप नही पाते हैं,
बहुत कुछ लिखने की कोशिश में
कुछ भी ना लिख पाते हैं।

तुम कहते हो हद तय करो अपने जज़्बातों की
कभी नंगा हो जाओगे,
हुम् तो बेहद चाह कर भी तुमको
आबरू घुटनो तक रखते हैं।

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For once
leave my hand
and let me sink
to the bottom
of the air castle
I have created of you
and wait for your
hand to draw me out.

May be then
I would learn swimming
on my own.

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I am tired of
being thrown out
wet and blue
after making
your eyes dry.

Sorry, but
I can't
be your
tissue paper
anymore.

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Rain

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