I stand in front of the mirror with vacant unfocused eyes. I hug one arm around my waist, the other around my shoulder and imagine what it would've been to have you hug me. I wonder if you'd still call me beautiful today, like you did everyday, despite the obscene amount of weight I've gained. I wonder if you'd still want me with my hair cut short and painted red. I wonder if you'd still love me unconditionally. I wonder if you think about me sometimes. If you'd still want to marry me. I wonder what you'd say to me if I were to tell you how much it hurts. Would you come back?

-

I break a little more each day,
And it's me the tears betray,
I wonder how long it'll take,
For you to hug and tell me it's gonna be okay.

On the nights that I miss you,
This is what I do,
I turn up your favourite song,
And got you on me as a tattoo.

-

Sitting on the bed, watching a movie, she looked over to see him studying her as if she were the Venus De Milo personified. A wave of calmness followed as she scuttled across into his arms. It felt like she'd finally found the home she'd been craving for all her life. He wrapped his arms around her waist, pulled her closer, and slowly whispered, "Wake up, my darling. It's been a beautiful dream, I'll visit again."

-

"Laying her head in his lap, she hid a smile. It was entertaining to watch the self-proclaimed king of come-backs struggle. She loved how he'd try but in the end concede with, "How can I ever win over you, my queen?" That's all it took for her to smile, "And that's why you never pick a fight with me. I always win". He bent to give her a kiss..." Her eyes opened, it was dawn. She teared up on realising she'd been dreaming of the love she lost to time again.

-

"It feels like all I've been doing for these last few weeks is apologizing.
For not working hard enough, for not caring enough, for loving the wrong person, for fucking shit up. For. Existing. Am I that bad?" she asks with tears in her eyes, a tremble in her voice and her eyes fixed on the moon. Who better to tell her the truth but a reflection of her own self?

-

"I will never ask anything else of you, just tell me, are you happy? Is she everything you want your woman to be? Is she worth losing a friend over? Because if she is, I will never try to salvage us again, I promise you this today. I fight for you because I see us as friends." she says slowly in a trembling voice with teary eyes. He looks up at her, finishes his cigarette and walks out without saying a single word. All her questions get answered and she crumbles under the weight of three unspoken yeses.

-

Every night she wipes off her smile, undoes herself and arranges all her pieces on the bed. She spends hours studying them, trying to make them fit. Every morning, she ties herself back together with a twine of his memories and steps out with a dazzling smile.

-

On a cold December night, hugging her bottle of wine, his voice note playing on repeat tricks her mind into thinking he is next to her as she drifts off.

-

Everything I do is wrong.
From the way I walk,
To the way I talk.
The way I dress,
Seems just to impress
Upon the fact
That no matter how I act
I'm always in the wrong.
From wanting to get inked
To every person I unlinked.
I just can't seem to do anything right,
Can't help wanting to walk into this light
so white.

-

"It's 2am, I keep going back to our last conversation. You told me you really liked me and wouldn't mind marrying me. I think it was the first time I admitted to liking you too. I guess that's why I didn't realize then that I was already in love with you. You were willing to walk with me at my pace, knowing I was wild, but setting me free believing I'd come back to you and I did. And now, I can't stop crying, I scream into a void hoping someone could save me. Realising the death I feared, is nothing but a sweet escape to me now."

-