I can't lose anymore.
I've reached the end of the line.
Can fate be more cruel?
Or is just my masochistic mind?

-

I'm living in a living nightmare
With someone I thought was on my side
Turns out I'm all alone
And that someone is a swine.

Illusions shattered, my heart battered
The dreams that i once brew, all torn & tattered
Even if he regrets it, I'm not sure I can do this
The love that was once curdling is sour from all the churning

He put a gun to my head, I want him to pull the trigger
Conditional love is truly excruciating!
It's better to have loved n lost than not loved at all,
Maybe this was for the best; may my expectations finally rest.

-

Awash in waves of misery, I
Miss you something fierce!
I love you with all of my heart, making
The torment excruciating; whenever we are apart.

-

There is a constant ache
Within me
That refuses to ebb
There is a constant pain
Of trauma past
That envelopes me
Whenever I'm sad

-

I don't mind being sick,
But I'm sick of being in love!
Worrying & missing you all the time,
With a piece of my heart
That may not even be mine!

How do I trust you won't break me
Into indecipherable pieces?
Unglued, unsure, unaware of me;
How do I willingly lose myself
When it's been ages for me to finally see...

Who I am & what I stand for!
To rely on myself,
For happiness, success & failures,
For we are born alone & will leave so;
Why do I believe in this institution,
If not, where do I go?

What are the backups when everything is on the line?
Why does it take ages to be close friends but marrying a stranger is fine?
What if there's a snafu? What if we're bored?
There's no return policy when the ritual is this old!

I don't mind being sick,
But I am sick of being in love!
Having been burnt by fire so many times,
Why am I still attracted to the stove?

-

Are you out of your mind,
Or am I going mad?

-

It would tell me stop being bleak,
There's more darkness in you,
Than there is within me.

If my shadow could speak,
It would say be such a dynamic person,
Following whom would be an honor
Not someone meek & weak.

If my shadow could speak,
It would shout out all of my flaws,
So I could be myself,
& it could be one with me.

-

that fades with time,
Replaced by realities
that can't be denied.

-

The brakes have failed,
Can't stop this train
from crashing to the ground,
Or flying beyond the speed of sound.
All I know is that I cannot do this ever again.

-

The music begins.
The volumes increase.
The climax in sight.
But there's this niggling inside.

All preparations are done.
The rituals have begun.
They're just waiting for the bride.
There's this restlessness inside.

The pandits have spoken.
The nature has revealed.
There's this crescendo inside me.
That just won't let me breathe.

-