"Don't tell me it doesn't matter. 
I just told you how much it does."

I chronicle 24 years of being fat. Link in caption.

It’s taken me a lot of time to be able to write this. I don’t know what I seek to achieve by writing this. Maybe this is a selfish rant. Maybe this is an attempt to make people understand what goes on the receiving end of all the weight-related bullying.

My first memory regarding discovering I am fat is that from my classroom when some boys thought it was a good idea to use wet chalk to write ‘MOTI’ on my chair when I’d gone out for recess. I tried rubbing it off with my palm. It didn’t go. As a child, you do not understand shame a lot. I did not understand what was the big deal about me being overweight than other girls in the class. I came home and asked my mother if it makes me ugly. She told me what any mother would have. She said, “Not at all. It’s the inside that matters.” The next few times I brought a question home, I was met with different responses like “It’s all baby fat. It’ll go away.” and “You should not listen to them.” It gets really difficult to not listen to people when they are saying things into your ears. I had got on the school bus a little late that day and all the window seats were taken. So I went and sat next to a guy from my class after asking him if I could. He was asking something about class from that day when another classmate looked at him and said “Koi aur mili nahi bagal me bithaane ko? Iske saath baithega? Utha moti ko!” Next thing I remember is being pulled by my arm off the seat. I resisted. I didn’t get up. I looked at the friend and when he began to push me off the seat, I resisted harder. I welled up after a while and got up myself. By then everyone around me was laughing. I don’t even remember crying after getting home. I just grew quiet towards them. I understand that we were kids back then. Maybe if I were to meet these people now, they’d probably have learned not to behave the way they did. I am certain they’d be nice to me and slightly embarrassed about their behavior. I hope they are reading this.

Read the complete note here: https://m.facebook.com/notes/the-broken-clock/chronicling-24-years-of-being-fat/1988011114673603

12 MAR 2017 AT 18:02