Dear Girish,

I've been meaning to tell you that I think you've ruined the part of me that could invest efforts in any man. My reaction to affection is to run. My reaction to indifference is to run. It's been weeks since I've been waking up more tired than I was when I went to sleep. There's so much grief that's spilled over in fits that I can't tell the difference between wanting to scream and wanting to stay as quiet as possible. Someone told me yesterday that I'm too available. I think he's right. I'm out there, ready to heal what seeks healing and love what seeks love. I've forgotten the last time someone touched me out of love. It's always felt like people were looking for a release, a cure, while they crushed me with their hungry palms. I've forgotten the last time I wasn't scared of beginning to like someone. So yeah, that's how I'm really doing.

"You're too available."

11 MAR 2017 AT 6:38