Let's not feel bad about the things we don't like about ourselves. Let's change them.

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Do you know what it's like to miss someone you've never known? Someone that possibly doesn't exist or never will.

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Who I will be from now on is a man without a soul because I've sold it for a dream, the one that keeps me awake every night. I've had it since I was a child. It gave me a reason to live. Without it, I feel alone. I am a slave to that dream, I can never be free and I don't want to. I can either be a good slave or a bad one. And I've made the choice.

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I was only pretending to try, I wasn't really trying my best. I was only putting up an act, pretending to work hard but I always knew that it was a charade and that I always doubted myself and for that reason I never really tried my best. I never gave it my all. Everything I did, I did half-heartedly, even the things I cared about. And I kept talking on and on about how I wasn't seeing results. But I was only trying physically, I wasn't putting any mental effort. I wasn't trying to focus. I wasn't trying to think clear. It takes much more to do that, and I just wanted to have it easy. I never gave it my all, I was just fascinated with the idea of being who I wanted to be. I never had the resolve to actually follow through. But I promise now, that I will stop doubting myself and I will do nothing less than what it takes.. to be who I want to be. I will give it as much as possible. So, let's start right here, from scratch!

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Generosity isn't giving away what you don't need, it's giving away something that's as important to you as it is to someone else.

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Keep trying and keep pushing on even if you don't have it in you. Try and try, till the end.. until you die. Fight until the very end even if it means seeing every bit of hope getting teared down; don't stop until you are utterly destroyed. And laugh while you watch fate open your clenched fist to find that there was nothing, that there was nothing you were holding on to.. and you were fighting just for the sake of it. That's what's admirable, more that giving up or giving in to fate.

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Why do goodbyes hurt so damn much..

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I'm lucky enough to not have been born in a more oppressive part of our society, smart enough to realize that this world is an awful place, strong enough to not be bitter about what I couldn't have and kind enough to not bring more people into it.

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At night, I'm tried yet don't want to go to sleep.
In the morning, I'm tired and don't want to wake up.

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Is it even worth trying? worth learning and practicing? when no matter how much I struggle.. no matter how determined I am, I fail... awkwardly. My hands being clumsy, and my mind unable to focus. It's only after thousands of tries that I make some progress. If that's the pace I improve at, how will I ever reach my goal? It's almost as if I was never meant to do it. Maybe I never had it in me because that's just how I feel, all the time, everyday. What's the point of achieving something by putting twice as much effort as someone else, someone who can do it so easily. Still though, why am I so determined to do it? Why don't I just give up and succumb to destiny??? Why am I so stubborn? I'm not sure why..

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