~MY EASTER PRAYER~

ORIGINAL WRITING COMPLETED APRIL 24, 2011 EASTER SUNDAY:

MAY GOD BLESS AND KEEP ME STEADFAST AND STRONG AS I WALK IN FAITH AND DO WORKS IN HIS NAME, WITH A HUMBLE HEART AND PURE INTENTIONS.

MAY THOSE WITH ILL INTENTIONS
AND UNTRUTHS ON THEIR
TONGUES BE REVEALED,
SO THAT YOUR FAVOR AND GRACE BE SHOWN WITH THE REWARD OF
JUSTICE DUE TO THOSE THAT SERVE YOU.

MAY THE TRUE HEARTS OF THOSE WHO HONOR YOU THROUGH
PAIN AND SUFFERING BE
LIGHTENED FROM THE HEAVY BURDENS CAST AGAINST THEM,
AND MAY THEY KNOW PEACE THROUGH YOUR GLORY AND GRACE.

AMEN.

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~NOTHING LEFT~

AN EMPTY SHELL, HOLLOW AND COLD INSIDE I FEEL, HOW COULD IT TURN SO DARK FROM THE BEAUTY THAT IT ONCE HELD?

*LONELY AND TORN, I SIT AND WAIT FOR HIM TO BE HERE, LEARNING WITH EACH PASSING MOMENT THAT THIS WILL REMAIN THE SAME~THE LOVE NEVER TO RETURN!

BLINDED BY THE THOUGHT OF IT, I COULD NOT SEE THE FACADE PLACED BEFORE ME.
I BELIEVED, AFTER SAYING THAT I WOULDN'T.....HURT AGAIN AFTER BELIEVING I COULDN'T BE.

WHY DID YOU FILL ME WITH HOPE, KNOWING YOU WOULD DO THIS IN THE END? I CAN'T TAKE FEELING THIS WAY, EVEN WORSE THAN THE BEGINNING!

I THOUGHT THE FAIRY-TALE WAS FINALLY IN SIGHT, I HOPED FOR IT TO BE, BUT IT WAS ALL A GAME YOU SEE~AND IN THE END IT WILL NEVER COME TO BE.

REALITY SETS IN AND I CAN NO LONGER BREATHE, THE TEARS POURING DOWN OVER ME ERASE EVERY GOOD MEMORY. REACHING FOR THEM, ONE LAST THING TO REMEMBER, BUT NOTHING GOOD TO EVEN CLING ONTO*

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~P.T.S.D~

*Floating, lifted.....my mood has shifted, from painful, to hope~full and inside I am grateful. From the outside I appear to be weak, but on the inside I am transforming.....
a metamorphosis that will yield greater things in me!

From the truth to deceit,
in a split second no defeat.....
shall we take a peek?
Is it too deep to see or,
do you see right through me?

Do I let you in or is it an invasion, on the outside you see that I am too complacent.....on the inside.....
darkness that could be quite dangerous!

Do not push me, you will fall,
and to the contrary of what you know and think.....
I am a Monster inside,
run while you can,
for it is your ignorance that will be the DEMISE of this Man!!*

IN HONOR TO ALL OF THOSE WHO DEAL WITH THIS VERY, VERY REAL & MOST DIFFICULT BATTLE, INCLUDING MYSELF. AND OF COURSE, A MOST HUMBLE THANK YOU TO MY LIL~BIG~BROTHER, FOR GIVING MY WRITING THIS PERFECT TITLE:
1SG ROBERT E. KNIGHT JR,
RETIRED U.S ARMY 20 YRS SERVICE!

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HE DOESN'T NEED ME
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*Why does forever only mean forever until it's over? There is always an end to every beginning and thus, you start all over. When does the cycle end, why does love only feel good until it's bad, and feels bad until you love again? There is an empty place inside of me, where there should be warmth, there is now only cold! Where did my comfort go? Lost and alone, I start to find, that we are the only one's that can save ourselves. Not counting on another to rescue me, I fight the good fight and let you be. Off on your own, you start your journey........while ours has now ended I still have me*

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~~?DEMISE? ~~
________________

*CAN WE EVER RIGHT OUR WRONGS, CAN WE REALLY JUSTIFY DOING HARM, WOULD WE BE BETTER OFF TO LET GO,
WILL WE EVER KNOW, THE PAIN THAT GOES.....
THROUGH ANOTHER'S BROKEN HEART, AGAIN TO MAKE ANOTHER START.....
WITHIN SOME OTHER DREAMERS LIFE, OR IN FOREVER'S CARELESS CRIES.
WHEN DO WE STOP THE HORRIBLE LIE, THAT OTHERS CAUSED THEIR OWN DEMISE.....WHEN IN OUR HANDS
THEIR SHALLOW BREATH, BECOMES OUR FAILURE OF THE TEST,
OF MERCY HELD THROUGH SOMBER ARMS THAT SHED THE BLOOD WITHOUT ANY CAUSE!*

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~THE GIFT OF BEAUTY~

Discombobulation or true appreciation,
Is it frustration that I feel or am I just scared of you?
The beauty that I see, reflecting back at me, comes from you.
The light I feel upon me, warm and bright, is the one thing that can break the cold heart I now have.
Once full of love, I am in a state of being that never fit me before. Doubt, worry and loneliness have crept upon me, leaving me wondering why I am here, if not for love...?
The one beautiful thing that I see is you.....next to me.....side by side, letting me be me.
Whether I laugh or cry, you look at me and.....I FEEL AGAIN! No longer numb to the life around me, I find myself looking at you~looking at me and I feel beautiful again!
So pure and true I know that it is all because of you.
Thank you for the beauty you have given!

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~DOES HE LOVE ME~

*I SEE THE WAY HE LOOKS AT ME, BUTTERFLIES DANCE INSIDE MY HEAD, AT THE THOUGHT
OF HIS LIPS, AGAINST MINE.

HYPNOTIC IT IS, THE RYTHM OF HIS HEART BEATING AGAINST ME,
MAGNETIC IS HIS TOUCH!

ON TOP OF THE WORLD......I AM, OH WHY CAN'T HE BE MINE?
NOT TO SHARE WITH ANYONE, OR FOR ME TO CLAIM, BUT TO SIMPLY SPEND MY LIFE WITH. TO LAUGH AND CRY WITH, TO MAKE & SHARE SWEET MEMORIES WITH.

A LIFETIME OF LOVE, ONE BROKEN HEART AFTER ANOTHER, TO LOVE LIKE THIS IS SO FOREIGN IN MY WORLD,
BUT THE HEARTBREAK ALL TOO FAMILIAR, FOR HE
IS SOMEONE ELSE'S*

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~BE STRONG~

*IF YOU CAN'T LAUGH, YOU'LL CRY!

TEARS POURING DOWN YOUR FACE UNTIL THE DAY THAT YOU DIE.

DROWNING IN THE POOL THAT GATHERS AT YOUR FEET, SLOWLY SINKING, WITHOUT YOU.

THE FEELING DOESN'T GET ANY BETTER.......BE STRONG, NOT WEAK!*

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~DREAMS~

*WHEN THE DREAMS BUILT WITH
PRECIOUS VISION AND HOPE
DURING OUR LIFETIMES,
SHATTER AT OUR FEET........

IN MOMENTS WE ARE FORCED TO FEEL EACH SPLINTER PIERCE US WITH ITS SHARP PAIN, INEVITABLY TO SCAR US.

WE ARE SO BROKEN BY THIS DISAPPOINTMENT AND FAILURE,
OUR FAITH IS THE ONLY WAY TO MOVE PAST THE TEST OF OUR OWN DOUBT AND GUILT!*

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TRUE HAPPINESS GONE
*********************************

*Where is my happiness? It was here a few moments ago!

Did it slip through careless hands?
Did I squeeze so tight that it could not breathe, smothering slowly, no life left within?

Was the reality such that a fantasy could replace it?

Dig deep now, remember the touch and taste of it!*

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