Oftentimes a wave of guilt
Breaks onto a calm shore,
And recedes, leaving residues
Of "I could have done more."

The underlying thoughts
Behind turning a blind eye
Involve musing if others care,
While entwined in "Why should I?"

There's bound to be lost causes,
A few too many more than fair;
Picking one's battles wisely
Can help break "I wouldn't dare."

If impulse triumphs for once,
It could be put to a tough test;
To make a mark, one's up against
Millions of "I know what is best."

The harshest critic lies within
Smugly waiting for a miss,
Validated as one squirms under
"I don't think I can do this."

With all these weights tied to the heels,
Own every step in the climb,
Affirm "I did the best I could,
And I will do better next time."

-

There is something about here
That will be nowhere again;
However, not all goodbyes
Need to be laden with pain.
This city's found a place
Somewhere deep within my mind,
Where it knows yet cannot speak
Of how it feels being left behind.

It will always be the place
Where I began driving around;
Not as far as you'd think,
Still that was breaking some ground.
It will also be the place
Where I first began to work,
And watched carefreeness disappear
As life looked on with a smirk.

This farewell feels different
From the ones that came before,
No longer does it induce
An emotional outpour.
There is a strong connect,
It just chooses to be shy;
That's one thing I picked from Columbus
And its forever gloomy sky.

Everything about the time
Spent here in sun or snow,
Are fond recollections
Of how much I've had to grow.
It has brought about a sense
That nothing is definite,
And that going away now
Doesn't mean we'll never meet.

-

Sometimes, it takes a while
To warm up to a place and its people -
But once you do,
It feels like you've been there forever
And will always be,
Only to be snapped back to reality
Which now demands
That you should pack up and leave.
It's never easy,
Even if you've uprooted yourself
A million times before,
But now you know
How to go through the motions
Without giving away a hint
Of the raging storm within.
As you gather all your belongings,
And are compelled to shed
What once appeared indispensable,
It seems like you're finally learning
The art of detachment,
Only that you aren't;
Because just when this bruise
Turns a lighter shade of blue,
You jump headfirst into newer habits,
Latch onto quiet corners in a new setting -
And there you are once again,
Looking to make a home
Out of your current mailing address,
Renewing your misplaced faith
In the mysterious ways of time.

-

It almost feels like summer
In the hopeful month of May,
Dark clouds make way for the sun
Keeping snowy days at bay.
Sprawling greens greet frosty eyes
That now glisten with each ray
Dispersing in varied hues
To blossoms that dance and sway.

There's an air of great relief
With the cold losing its bite,
As the day grows warm and long
Drifting to a pleasant night.
Birds and hares play hide 'n seek,
Squirrels dig with all their might,
Burying nuts and cones of pine
To eat when the time is right.

The sky's never been clearer
Holding promise in its blue,
Swiftly wiping out each scar
From an airplane that just flew.
It is indeed just perfect!
Of course, too good to be true,
For a hint of grey crawls in
And winds swoop in to its cue.

Soon the rivers overflow,
Traffic comes to a standstill -
There are flash floods on the streets,
Tornadoes forming at will.
With all running for cover
Summer's quickly gone downhill,
Only blooms wilted and razed
Flutter in the revived chill.

-

Every now and then,
One ought to find a release
To grow and sustain.

-

*Happy New Year*

This year's end feels bittersweet
Just as every previous one,
A sense of closure now giving way
To a fresh start with the rising sun.

This juncture evokes a myriad thoughts,
For many this is when you look back;
If weighing your gains against losses,
Remember to cut yourself some slack.

As for me and maybe more,
Nothing really changes much;
Yet it does, when caressed slow
By the fading year's lone spirit's touch.

Heart swells with joy and fear alike,
Brain's started listing things to do;
Hoping to be a better self
Until next year, then start anew!

-

There's something about winter
That I hate but can't ignore,
It's that time of the year again
When body and mind feel sore.
It doesn't help to think
It's only December now,
'Cause the worst is yet to come,
Let's bring out the snow plough!

December's like a hug
With the jingle bells and lights,
Spirits on a festive high
While hot cocoa heals frostbites.
It's the sweetest of preludes
That entices one to dream
Of joyous beginnings
That transport hope through every beam.

Just as each night's reveries
Fade into oblivion with morn
Soon the plush blanket unwraps
Leaving one cold, cracked and forlorn.
January's like punishment
For crimes I'm yet to commit,
Forcing the cheeriness of ere
To take a fatal numbing hit.

The dreary days grow dark
Before they can be planned or spent,
The body wishes to hibernate
Like many a reptile or rodent.
However that doesn't work out,
So one has to hang on for dear life,
Invoking spring as I often do
To weather through every other strife.

-

There is often a great urge
To just stand or sit or lie,
And do absolutely nothing,
Only watch the hours fly.

This could be an inner voice
Telling us to take a break
As it's often overwhelming
Beyond as much we can take.

It might not be a bad choice
To pay heed to such a call,
When all else sends one spiralling
Down into a free fall.

The key to doing this right
Is to know when it is time
To snap back out of it,
Once the mind feels cleared of grime.

Else languor sneaks up slow,
Yet faster than you'd think
Pulling you into a sinkhole
Before so much as a blink.

Take a minute when you need,
Or as much time it takes;
Better efforts and outputs 
Come with well-deserved breaks.

-

A tree stood tall
In the prime of its crimson hue,
Leaves humming and fluttering,
Secretly hoping to be able to fly
Till one fine day
Floating in the chill and gloating
Over the misery of others looking on,
One of them went adrift -
For a fraction of a second,
Before it saw the ground approaching.
It tried flapping its imaginary wings
In a frantic effort to make
The moment of glory last a little longer,
Only to come to terms with the ultimate treachery.
Those wings were but false promises
Made by the whispering winds
Cashing in on its deep-seated desire
To move ahead, leaving all behind.

Just as its browned nose touched the ground,
The perishing leaf realized
How a lifetime had passed,
In trying to edge past others in a race
Where one could only fall,
But even then, it was not prepared
To go down before the rest.

The last thing that the leaf saw
Before being swept into a rusty dust pan,
Was another of its delusional kind
Let go of a branch,
And begin spiralling down in its footsteps.

-

The feeling of impending doom is quite enchanting
If one isn't about to be engulfed by it.
It begins with a pinch of doubt
Going on a mindless stroll,
Eventually chancing upon leftovers
Of an 'Eat Me' cake
That Alice left behind in Wonderland.
As apprehensions swell
Into an anisotropic monstrosity,
One loses almost every recollection
Of how it all commenced.

Thoughts are autotrophic in nature;
Propagating, proliferating on their own,
Usually commanded by none.
One could squander hours worth lifetimes,
Pondering over the workings
Of one's own self.
Every insecurity no matter how miniscule
Triggers the 'fight or flight' instinct.
However, the urge to 'wait and watch' often supercedes,
Until circumstances spiral out of control.

If one could assess objectively,
The natural progression of cause and effect
Within the framework of the mind
Provides fascinating fodder for contemplation.
In fact, even when things appear to be falling apart,
It borders on exuding a sense of fulfilment,
If the consequences are well-deserved.
Such is the mystifying nature
Of the inner being,
That it dares to find beauty, albeit fleeting
In the face of imminent misery,
Regardless of what is yet to unfold.

-