And i love her so much that it aches at all the places thinking about the days without her. Mum, I can never love anyone as much as I love you.

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30/04/23
She asked "Dii, are we getting any better at adulting?"
I said, "I don't know. We definitely have scope to be better. But, we ain't scared of consequences as long as we have each other, and that's a plus!"

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I am nobody's own, nobody's home.

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Why do you make such a fuss about love, as if no other feeling is equally important? Why do you feel the need to overlook everything, let everything, every little detail pass, because you think one day you'll be in love and it'd make perfect sense?
What sense is that, which stops you from being in the present, here in the moment? And why is it so important that you won't feel anything less than that?
Stop it! Stop putting your life on hold because love is yet to knock on your door, or it was here yesterday and today it left. Embrace what you have now. Look around, you're living your dream, why wait for a person to tell you what you already know? Celebrate all your failures and sit with yourself, one day more than the other. Acquaint yourself with your own self. Make peace with your deepest insecurities, it's not love you're waiting for, it's acceptance. Accept yourself. You've done enough. Cherish yourself. You're enough.

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21/04/2023
I took a trip to Himachal, because why not? And you know the most pleasant thing about local people? Their stories! Their attachments! How they love who they are. And how welcome they make you feel. You can call them old fashioned, if you like, but i love how they are so religious and believe almost everything they've ever heard. Nature is god to them and the god speaks through rain, snow and sunshine. Jibhi, thank you for hosting.

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17/04/23

I called my mum, and I told her I might need a therapist.
She said, "Yes speaking, go ahead!"

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Dear little P,

Remember how you're so scared that you'll fail? All the hard work, consistency, restlessness to do good would go to waste? So let me tell you something, you got fairly trashed today! And this is not the first time and there's no way this is the last too. But, i assure you, when failure will come to you not because you're not up to the mark, but because you're better and that you could be the best, it would be reassuring, pleasant and satisfying. It still would hurt. Nothing's ever enough. Nothing ever will be. Just follow what you believe in. Follow your heart. Follow the passion people think is way bigger than your age. Because you don't look your age or talk your age. Surprise them! More than them surprise yourself!
Look forward, the only way is through!

Love,
Quarter aged P.

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I am a boho soul, I want to be everywhere. I need someone to hold me and say, "Here, this is home".

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27/03/2023

You meet few people along the way who guide you and show you for who really are. Anup sir, you've been a blessing. I'm glad that I got to do a study with you, that i grew up to be this researcher because you told me that I could. I would meet a lot of teachers in the way but, I'm pretty sure Oxford and modesty won't be a common thing. You're who you are. Your retirement shouldn't change your love for teaching. I hope when you think of Prerna you think of a fangirl who spammed you for your half an hour. Thank you for letting me dream and telling me that there are oceans of opportunities out there. And until then "we can live with that?".

Ps: I can try and live with that.

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24/03/2022

Hungover. A little bit lost. Confused to be honest. Why? Idk! Years of work have started to show actually. Attending summits and talking to people who I couldn't dream about. I'm a nerd. I love people who own something. It can be either peace or business. Doesn't matter. Just something of your own. Ahh dream. So, maybe love isn't for me. And I'll gladly give it up, soon. Soon, I'll start something I actually love. I'm scared to be honest. I know I have the potential. I just need the right people. Right placement. But, nothing has ever come easily to me. So this time again I'll experiment. What's there to lose anyway? Just a bunch of weird dreams. Just love that feels already lost. Now, I gain. Now, I rise. Now, I will weep in silence, wake up and get my shit sorted.

PS- you're f**king awesome, P.

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