They ask me " do you really want to be alone for whole life?" I find it funny. Of course I don't. I also want to feel loved, to be held, to be choosen. How can I not? I can't remember when the last time someone looked at my eyes with love.

But when it actually comes to me, I flinch. I push away before it starts to mean something. I find excuses to run away, sometimes it's too soon, sometimes I'm not good enough and sometimes let me leave before I get left heartbroken. The thought of being in love is beautiful, like a fairy tale but in reality, it scares me. I grew up watching happy endings but what if I don't get myself one? I start to doubt on myself. I feel insecure and lost. Yet somehow I get attached. But the fear of not being able to give love to the person the way I want to be loved makes me build walls between us .
I would rather break my own heart instead of letting someone else or breaking some else's.

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Let me love you a little longer
Till the sun rises
Let my heart stay with you a little more
Until the end of all the crisis
And when I'm in the verse of drowning
Pull me over and console me
With your love and promises.

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Words carry many thoughts
that are unspoken and unheard
Yet desired.
Emotions are hidden
Fate is unwritten
The love feels forbidden
Even if this fleeting glimpse is forever surreal
My heart still looks for it's rhythm in your heartbeats,
Like in a whispered dreams where shadows steal.

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I knew I started to like him
When I was eagerly waiting for holidays to end,
When I started to hate friedays
And couldn't wait for mondays,
When I started to write again after all these days.
I knew I was falling in love again
When my every thoughts started with him
And my every poems ended carrying his name.

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And suddenly I remembered how words were a way to comfort myself when I feel like giving up everytime.

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The dreams that got crashed,
The families that turned into pieces,
And the lives that were too unfair to the souls
Suddenly life seems to be cruel yet a treasure.

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On the verse of drowning
I held onto the last piece of hope.
For one last time,
I wanted to tight my grip
before falling into the failure loop.
The sunset didn't look beautiful
And the sky looked like it was burning
The wind felt heavy, pushing my steps backwards
leaving me ashes, with no desire returning.
Yet I got up for the last time
With the hope of yearning dreams
So that I don't leave any mark of regretting.

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Behind every selfish people, there is a person who was used by many.

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"I'm not like the other girls."
The girls who know themselves?
The girls who are confident of who they are?
Or the girls who love themselves?

It's ok to be different
but describing yourself by comparing with others
in way to bring them down will never put you up
in the standard bar.

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It's a blessing to be able to live another year.
Let's all be grateful to all the little things
which make our life beautiful.
Happy New Year Everyone.

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