slowly sipping dark rich macha out on my balcony while writing in the sunset dusk poetic musings on my mouth between moments.i love to surround myself with violet flowers, dim candlelight, poetry & scented oils moistures Even with a heavy heart, I try to keep a hopeful mind. Sultry little daydreams. evanescent words
crafted in a book of poetry. lyrics of past life lingering perfume of ink
dry petals of pink roses.

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तस्वीर तो आपने खूब सजाई हैं
गजल उसके नाम की बनाई है,
हाथों मे कंगन , कानों मे झुमके
देखने वालों ने क्या खूब सजाई हैं,
सुंदरता, देखने वालों को क्या खूब भाई है ,
हर अल्फ़ाजों से नवाजा उसको,
क्या प्रीत की डोर निभाई हैं,
क्या उसके नाम की गजल बनाई है!!

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In twilight's hush, where shadows play,
Our hearts entwine, in a dance so fey.
With whispered words, our souls ignite,
In the tender glow of passion's light.

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I have been very anxious and restless for some days I wanted to say a lot, but I was looking for someone who would guide me in the right direction. I felt very hesitate often while talking about private problems bcz it becomes very critical , but I need closure for my life... I've had talked about lots of people... but nobody's stood there to help me out..Bt today I had to muster up the courage to speak my mind. Actually the guy is a psychologist & chill kind of person yet mature enough and sensible... Twitter "X"But being of the same age sometimes I feel hesitant, shy to say it...told him my whole story where I was stranded since last 7-8 months and here's some part of removing my blind fold
"Naah. It wasn’t your fault. This is exactly what he wants. He wants you to feel guilty and ask him to forgive you. So that he can continue to abuse"
"He is just a narcissist. He is gaslighting you so that you feel guilty of the things that he did to you."
"Whenever you feel like you’re missing him. You need to remind your brain of the abuse u went through
You do this for a few months, your soft corner 4 him will go away. You deserve happiness, not abuse.."
nd here I felt mirroring myself

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The romantic intoxication of a evening in summer
Yes I am drunk, without drinking a sip
A strange melancholy spreads through my veins
I can feel self destruction
Yes I can feel you are my biggest
Mistake in whole life

The blues filled everywhere
Where to hide my marooned self

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लगा कर मेरे बोलने पर पाबंदी
उसने मुझे लिखना सीखा दिया
जब भी लिखी मैने कोई शायरी
लफ्जों ने मेरी ज़िंदगी का आखरी पन्ना बना दिया ।

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Promise vows all are just myth do not believe 🙌🏻

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मैंने ढूंढा तो बहुत मगर मैं, खुद को ही फिर नहीं मिल पाती हूं...
तेरे सीने पर सिर रख कर जब सुकून मैं पाती हूं,
तेरी आंखों में ऐसे ही मैं खो जाना चाहती हूं ।

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कुछ सच कभी सामने नही आने चाहिए,इंसान को अपनी गलतफहमियों और स्वप्न की दुनिया में ख़ुश रहने देना चाहिए…
कुछ सच को जानने की कुछ उलझनों को सुलझाने की कोशिश इंसान को कभी नहीं करनी चाहिए...
कुछ सच तुम्हें बेतहाशा उखेड़ते रहते है परत दर परत... जानने की नाकाम कोशिश कामयाब होती है तब जान लेने के बाद जो भ्रम पल रहा होता है मन में उससे आंसुओं की नदियां बहती है...
कुछ सच तुम्हें वास्तविकता के धरातल पर ला कर पटक देते हैं और दिखाते हैं कि जिसे तुम आराध्य मान बैठे थे अपना भगवान बना बैठे थे उसकी सच्चाई कितनी कुरूप और घिनौनी है....
कुछ सच तुम्हें खुद के विश्वास से नफ़रत करने पर मजबूर कर देते हैं… सच हमेशा कड़वा नही होता,कभी-कभी घिनौना भी होता है,बेहद घिनौना…!

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30th April 2024 (panic attack again)
In my low again
So fed up with this life really it's hell
2022 and 23 proved curse for me and especially 4 my health...
i wouldn't be that much in pain if I went through hell and back
This life really sucks...
Stay alone, fight alone, gather ur own pieces everyday alone, when you want to scream cry out your heart loud there's no place there...breath suffocate, morning disappointed, no joy no laughs, no1 there to hold u when u crumble,
Arise alone hold yourself up,
wrap up yourself, by yourself
Nobody's there to hug, you're alone, handle all ur problems alone, even if u cannot, yet do, why? Bcz the
world want to see u alive
Why?
cz society kya kahegi ? Agar tumne sucide kiya
Bhale hi tum Zinda laash ho sabko nazar aao
It is important to everyone sees u safe and sound
Even if it's just an illusion
And excuse me which society or which person stand tall
when and how they has stood tall with me?...ever? Hmm then kyu itna fark logo se padta hai... Jeene bhi peacefully nahi dete...marna chaho to marne b nahi dete...arey kya keh lenge log characterless? To konsi aisi aurat h jise nahi kaha jata? jeete jee konsa mujhe log accha samajh rahe the?

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