Wondering
I am only wondering
Maybe asking for a friend
How to write
A resignation letter
To this special employer
Named Life
Maybe it should go this way:
"Dear Sir,
I won't pump blood of my eagerness
Into your stiff veins
Won't contribute anymore
To someone's calm mornings
While mine were black like sticky tar
I am jumping off this crazy train
Someone else will take this seat
And maybe they will reach
Their dream destination....
That I haven't"
Does it sound legit?
Who cares anyway
For a note, left in rush
On an empty train sit

-

My loneliness
I must say, I enjoy your bitter taste
And this scent of fresh blood
Dripping straight from the wound
That I myself inflicted on my soul

When you are away, I crave for you
When you are with me, I cry of pain

So just lying on this bed
Cold like grave
And warm like body taking its last breath
Waiting for moonlight
To infuse my veins
With your eternity

Loneliness, be my lover tonight
Tonight and forever

-

Go away, troublemaker
Again bothering me
Knocking at my heart's door
It's all in vain
Unwanted guest
Bringing all these useless gifts
Freshly brewed pain
Teapot full of tears
And loud thoughts
Which won't let fall asleep
Until pale dawn
Comes again to steal all hope
Love
Go away
You are not wanted here

-

Joyful crowds
Chasing gingerbread scent in the air
Is it laughter or jingle bells
That I can hear from every corner
Wake up a child inside of you
Says the jolly song
Better not
This child of mine is stillborn
Couldn't have survived
In this cold dungeon
My heart

-

It's the most wonderful time
Of the year
Decorating my Christmas tree
With all these memories
Shall I light up the lamps
Hoping they kill darkness
Inside of me
Gifts are already there
Underneath the tree
I am so scared to unbox them
To find a promise
Of another year
Without the ones I love
Who are long gone

-

Winter
No, it's not that cold
Especially, if heart is frozen already
These silverish snowflakes
Swirling in the night sky
Are just like shooting stars
Thousands of them, so many wishes
That melt and die within few seconds
Definitely
Of all four seasons
Death is my favorite one

-

Loneliness
Smells like cardamom tea
In the Sunday afternoon
Feels like cashmere shawl
Wrapped around tired heart
I open the door
And let her inside
Good you are here, my loneliness
I felt so lonely without you

-

Good luck in searching
A key to my heart
Better to stay away
From dead and haunted places
Inhabited by ghosts of the past
They walk along
The blood-red corridors
Murmuring something to themselves
The spookiest of them
Are called regrets

-

No storm dwells within me
Only this silence
That scares even ghosts
Haunting my mind
Beautiful smile they say
You wouldn't like to know
What's hidden behind it

-

Waiting
For this white silence
Of the Christmas fairy tale morning
Sneaking into my mind
With the scent of cinnamon
And taste of gingerbread
This feeling
Of being tucked in warm duvet
Of unconditional love
And watching through the window
Snow icing on winter roofs
But no
Not this time
Cold gravestone reminds me
That only memories
Will lull me to sleep
Which, oh how I wish, could be eternal

-