You haven't seen the fires raging in my heart
that I doused, so that you don't get burnt.
You haven't seen the wrathful tides
that I held back, so that you don't drown.
You haven't seen each of my scars
bleeding beneath my skin
that I hid so that you don't fall apart.
You have no clue how many curses I've withheld
so that you don't wither.

You haven't seen the demons, 
you haven't seen the scars, 
you haven't felt the disgust,
you haven't seen how much I've forgiven, 
you haven't known how long it took
to calm the storm in me
just so that it doesn't wreak havoc in your
blissful little oblivious lives.

And yet, you dare to call me immature.

Darling, if I was immature, you wouldn't be alive now.

-

It is me, I am the one that I fear the most
It is my hand that I fear will pull the trigger
It is my fingers that I fear will draw the deadly slit
It is my feet that I fear would step off a cliff
It is my mind that I fear will let the pain choose
And it is that pain which I fear will choose
a choice that would cost me
my life

-

Another quit the battle today.
Not one I had known.
Yet this heart weeps for him.
We had been invisible neighbors
at the precipice of a choice.
I've taken multiple trips to the end
but always found my way back.
Was this his first trip?
Or was it his nth, like mine?
He had never been a relative.
Yet this heart weeps as such.
For in every person that falls off,
I see myself.
For we're all invisible neighbors
living one choice away
from death.

-

I wonder what it feels like to live
like a flowing brook.
Life for me is like a quest for semicolons
living with a mind with a stock of full stops

There she is, waiting for me,
at the heart of all hardships
as I strive to surf the waves
she tries her best to drown me
willingly.
It's hard not to give in.
Her offers are more luring than life.

An existence without burning scars,
a place among the stars.

Yet I choose to go to war, everyday.
Unending. Tiring.
I promised you once,
that I'll keep your love alive.
There are days when I slip,
yet I fly back everytime.
I may be weak, but,
I'm strong too, somehow.

-

After all those mirages I had to pass while crossing this desert will I be able to run to you when you finally come?After all that trust I've lost, would I just stand far away and say, 'Yet another mirage?'
Would I lose you even if we met?
Will we ever meet?

full piece in caption

-

I wish the calendar
came without September
for if so, the year would have
come without cursed memories.
I wish I could sleep in August
and wake up in October
for if so, I could pretend
that none of it ever happened.
→— % &Is there any reason why September
ain't that bad at all?
I thought as I dusted my brain's shacks
But it was too dark for me to see
for it was shadowed by saudade.
It's a cul-de-sac of grief.
Every year I expect it to get better
a little less bitter, a little less pain
but each year it comes with luggage
new emotional baggage
as if on contract to make me curse
the whole year for a month.
→— % &September does bring me memories.
Falling leaves remind me
of the life that passed.
Light showers remind me
of the tears I shed.
Each year it comes with wind
strong enough to light the embers
of my pain
that till then I tried so hard to douse.— % &

-

She chose to walk in the shadows.
They thought she was shielding her beauty.
But she was just hiding her bleeding wounds.

-

As I watch others go through
those colourful moments,
my world turns black and white
my eyes blur with tears
for I know, when my day comes
I won't be able to say goodbye
won't be able to see your smile
nor cry in your arms...

-

At the beginning of every heartbreak
at the heart of every sorrow
at the peak of every pain
there lies a locked door
leading to liberation.
All she had to do
was find a key
that hurt her
the least.— % &

-

As the tale ended itself
half the book was left
with empty pages
and numbered chapters— % &

-