FROM FEELING NUMB TO HEAVY, WE ALL GREW UP.

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Lost in the maze of your thoughts,
Your thoughts change tracks,
Tracks meandering through your dark psyche.

Lost in the entanglement of your words,
Words that could take your breath in a second.
In a second, leave you breathless.

Lost in the labyrinth of your sorcery,
Sorcery which pulls me back,
Back everytime in a loop just to get lost again.

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Tombstone reads,
"Waiting for afterlife."

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The sillage of your perfume still lingers in the malodorous nooks of your heart.

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Just like a moth that got attracted to the fire, I went into your cold embrace seeking warmth.
Darling, you didn't burn me, but when you left a firefly was born.

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On the last day of school, they had promised they'ld meet again, a decade later at their school reunion.

9 summer solstices, 5 countries & 3 continents later, serendipitously they cross paths again.

And today, as they walk down the aisle among people who accept them, he looks into his eyes & realises finally they are home.

And the journey? Let that be a secret.

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•Priority•

"There's a call for you, Sir," said the new assistant.
"Is it the same number?" I asked reluctantly.
"Yes....."
I rolled my eyes & motioned him to leave & buried myself in the never ending work again. 4 years ago, I had moved to a new city for a better job offer. Since then, there has been no looking back.

3 months ago.....
"But Dad, try to understand, I have work here & I CANNOT abandon it & go running to you. And I live 3000 miles away!" I shouted in the phone.
"Raj, your mother's sick & she wants to see you." A cold voice replied. He was 76, but his words didn't quiver.
"She has been sick before & you can take care of her, I will be sending money." And I hung up.

Today, after 3 months as I step into my office, the new assistant comes running to me with the office phone saying, "This is the 31st call!"
"Hello, Dad? You'll get the money for mom's treatment by tom...."
"Raj...." an unfamiliar voice interrupted me, "Your father passed away this morning."
"Give the phone to my mother!" I was losing my voice. My hands went numb.
"Son, didn't you know she had already passed away 3 months ago....."

The receiver fell from my hand as I stood there, an orphan.

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•Beautiful•

I came home, exhausted & hungry, disappointment took over me as I found the house empty with the lights out. Mom wasn't home & I remembered our fight last night over her drastic step to cut her knee length hair & shave her head.
I ignored the supper on the dining table & locked myself in my room. Recounting how I got bullied today in school for how I look, tears streamed down my face.
I caught my reflection in the mirror. I looked moribund. But the truth demanded to be spoken. As I removed the hoodie from my head & pulled the wig off, I realised I wasn't alone anymore.

Cancer wasn't cruel, was it, on a 12 year old? For the first time since my first chemotherapy, I felt beautiful. Beautiful, again as I caught mom's reflection at the door. She smiled back behind her tears.

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You ask me why I came back again.
Ask your heart, when did I leave?

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This pain you've left behind with your absence has become stagnant & vestigial. What do i do of it, you may ask?
I'll bottle it up like i had bottled all those fireflies in the glass jar to light up the dark room while the sheets rumpled.
I'll collect pain in jars and they will darken up the blinding brightness.
Paradoxes, eh?

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