What ghosts hold you hostage?

Sometimes the ghosts of stories keep me hostage.
Stories that are real or picked from wicked movies
Which hold elements of suspense, horror & mystery.
These ghosts at times confines me in a place
and other times become companions in curiosity.

I lie low from being hostage of the ghosts of day.
I fear that one phone call which will steal a part of my life.
I fear those smiles which are directed to me for no reason,
and worse when there is a reason to keep distance.
These ghosts force me to live on countable breaths.

But I fear becoming hostage of the ghosts of my mind, the most.
For they hold a lot of power on me and my fragile heart.
At times they force me to sleep, and other times keep me awake.
They make me think and rethink on loop and leave me numb at end.
They enjoy the battles I have to fight with myself for them for fun.

-

I wish, falling in love was easy.
But I have to get extra shots of coffee
with specific amount of sugar & milk,
savour that bitter yet sweet taste
and then call it love. So I wish,
falling in love was easy.


I wish, falling in love was easy.
But then I have to read millions of words.
Cry, get angry, get devastated even.
Yet kiss happiness, smile along the way
and then call it love. So I wish,
falling in love was easy.


I wish, Falling in love was easy.
But I have to go some extra miles
to read you through your words,
to live a little bit of you & a little bit of me
and then call it love. So I wish,
falling in love was easy.


I wish, falling in love was easy.
But it takes to bask under starry night,
laying on green grass covered with traces of mist,
conversating with myself in silence
and then call it love. So I wish,
Falling in love was easy.


But, would it be so good,
If it was easy?

-

Darling, you say,
you don’t know how to fly.
If I could be there with you,
I will tell you why.
You can light up the oceans,
and can brighten the darkest sky.
And I need you here, by my side.

Darling, you say,
you don’t know, how to shine.
If I could be there with you,
I would have shown you how,
everyone is covered in glitter
holding dearly the specks of shimmer
that you leave all around.

Darling, you say,
you don’t know, anything,
that you feel darkness is swallowing
all your dream, your wishes, and your will.
If my words could fly,
they could have healed the black hole.
Steal you and wrap you and gift you back to you.

­­­­­­­Darling, you say,
you don’t know how to fly,
Let me tell you, you just don’t know
how to fly, yet.
It’s only you, who don’t know
how bright you shine.
Its only you, who thinks
you don’t know anything,
Talk to your trials and errors,
they will tell you everything.

-

Kindness hurts.

On a sunny summer afternoon
under the sheet of scorching heat,
does shade hurts?

But kindness hurts.

In the mind of an overthinker
amidst flood of thoughts, visions and whatnots,
does surface hurts?

But kindness hurts.

How, one may ask.

For, it is hard to decipher
the price tag tagged with shade or surface,
with the pint of kindness potion.

If the tag is lost
it is hard to accept this magic potion.
For nobody knows if it is poison.

Hence, kindness hurts.

It should not.
It must not.
But it does.

Kindness hurts.

-

Had I not known that water can drown,
I would have dived in it without a worry.
Had I not known humans can’t fly,
I would have sewed myself beautiful wings.

Had I not seen the words and heard the world moving on,
I would have believed in pauses and breaks.
But now that I have seen all of this,
how to unsee few bits of it?

How to cross the well-poised road
without burning the parts of soul?
Or how to live in the room named 'chaos'
without turning deaf in eerie silence?

How to unsee?

-

The first rays of sun in my room
greet the shackles before reaching me.
I am not tied, it's not I haven't tried
the keys lives with me just weighss more than my might.

The shakals loves me, sometimes even I try to love them too
but this love makes my heart first beat erratically then numb.
I do wish to take a whiff of surroundirounding like others
but suddenly everything feels cold and hard to breath.

Remember the time I tried to dress you up so pretty
and put on the smile hoping for you to mirror me,
ended up feeling sad, for I tried to hide you
and camouflaged myself in mirror image of yours.

That day when I decided not to treat you or greet you,
I went out, lived a bit, snapped many pictures but none without you.
How come every picture rendered with a trace of yours
not so prominent yet so permanent in the shadows all around?

It has been so long I now wish to live without you.
I want to be bold to heal the hidden timid self of mine
but somehow you have started to smell like home
a home I wish to leave and yet live in its comfort.

(cntd. In caption)

-

I wish to hold your hand
Just one more time
Sit in the rain, lean on you
Just one more time.

Sipping on coffee
playing with your beautiful smile
I wish to get stuck
for forever in this time.

Like the droplets’ pitter-patter
I want to drown in your chatter
and get lost in our world
Just one more time.

Reading out texts from the past
basking in our own craziness
tickle our giggles
Just one more time.

Before the night ends
let’s live it all
Just one more time.

I wish to hold your hand
Just one more time
Sit in the rain, lean on you
Just one more time.

-

//The last hug//

The head hurts trying hard to remember
"the last hug"
the last hug that it's human shared
and the heart is just aching for it's human,
for the head with ache and for itself.
The debate between tongue, brain & eyes
is too much to watch and to painful to live by.
Tongue wants to be bold and wish to ask
for a hug from the human that matters,
but brain reminds all the what ifs..
*what if they do not want the same?
*what if you are forcing them?
*what if they deny?
*what if you lose the leftover dynamics?
*what if...
And the eyes just drip bit by bit
for not been able to hold back
while holding back a lot within.

-

There is a world hidden behind the wall
and two eyes keep peeking out through a hole.
Just two eyes surrounded by dark
containing immense curiosity, pinch of gloom,
ocean of questions, handful of unsetting hope
and continuously dripping patience within.
Random glances are scary but calculated looks
are much more fascinating and frightening
The eyes are eager to become a window
for others to see a bright hidden world in the dark.
A world where children of all ages till date are waiting
to play, laugh, scream but most importantly heard
Or are just waiting for the unknown.
Nowadays people look at the wall,
call at a wall and move away
forgetting all together to look at the eyes.
But where is the wrong it it, can never be answered.
They say wall needs to fill up the cracks
so that water doesn't seeps in the world
and need to become strong to protect itself and the world in hiding.

The eyes are scared and tired,
ready to trade themselves for a mouth in the blink
to get the answer for the most important question,
"But what if children get trapped inside for forever?"

-

I have been your star
as long as my existence is known.
I twinkled, you smiled
I felt petrified, you became my pillar
I fell, you embraced.
You feared losing me, then.
You fear losing me, now.
But tell me,
How can star be separated from sky?

I feared stepping in the rain
You learnt to become umbrella
I missed raindrops on sunny days,
You learnt to become rain.
Is it getting hard to be both?
Now,
let me be your umbrella and the rain.

-