What's her power -

To choose
To trust
To believe
To commit
To stay

But also,

To be conscious
To rotate not revolve
To be present
To sense
To listen to instincts
To pause
To hold back
To stand
To walk away

When she has done it once,
She is naturally prepared to do it twice when needed.

What's her power?
To be herself the way God wrote her :)

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Today, I miss my Mom, and GrandMom - more than ever.

It's not missing their presence. Probably ,it's meeting the feeling of "how did they manage?"

How did they manage - to stand alone in thirties, without love, without companion?
How did they have strong barricades for their tender hearts & resist the access for numerous junks trying?
How did they never ever put the mother within them a step back?
How did they do all alone, days, nights & years?
How did they never realise they deserve a chance to not be strong?
How they were always on their best version presentable - just for them?
How did they fiercely age - with a wounded feminine energy?

I, with so much awareness (as I claim) - couldn't do at least two of the above at a time.
Maybe, is that a bit of luck on their side - to not know that they don't have to?
And here I'm - stuck between, 'Put the gears on' & 'You have a choice'.

To know, only as much as you need to survive - is a bliss too.
But,
Does it not fall short before, being chosen, being loved, being softened?

మా, అమ్మమ్మా,
The warriors you became, to channel love to fire & strength - I miss you a little more today! But I know, it's never your loss ❤️

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Google says a wisdom tooth arises between 17-25 years. I see mine peeking up at 34.

It started with that confused feeling, of something trying to make space in your well fitted jaw line. Over the days, I saw that white little being erupting slowly. It's stuck for days trying to push the walls apart, seeking my attention.

My 'I-know-it-all' Google, still says it's unlikely & rare to get a wisdom tooth at 34. It could be something else - a couple of others around confirmed.

Yesterday I called my Mom & told her this is happening. She said, 'Oh dear, I got mine at 34 too, who said you won't get it. Just keep a clove & you'll be fine as it settles with time'.

I had a wide smile seeing how easily she brushed off the second guesses.

My little-messy-head, who is good at interpreting signs from the Universe, heard that as-

"Oh girl,
Don't you already know that, just because it's rare, it is not impossible!
Why don't you allow it & let it grow?
And if at all it hurts one day, you also know what to do.
You've done it & can do it with better grace this time.
Maybe, the 'I-do-not-need-it' girl can let heart prove her wrong"

But for now, as mumma says, let it settle with some cLOVE.

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Perhaps the grief we carry is not about now, but about then—the loss of 'what could have been,' had it been treasured right.

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A woman's best admirer, is*, always a relationship away from her.

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Peace and love can be strangers, neighbours, companions.
Their acquaintance with each other is seasonal.

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The inevitable realisation for anyone is that,
it is not love that stays forever, but art.

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Many a time, choosing comfort over curiosity lands you in a whole new dimension of peace.

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I think, I've outgrown the word 'friend'
just like how I've outgrown friends.

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Prompt : Second hand— % &When I was 13, my mom bought me a second hand cycle. She said, once I learn to ride confidently she will then get me a new one.

I remember the cycle's first owner saying stories of how she fell down from it while learning to ride.

When I started practicing, obvious that I ended up falling too. Eventually I managed to ride just as much that is enough to go to school.

But every time I miss the balance, I have this strong voice from within that I'm going to fall.
Regardless of whether I fall or not, the voice doesn't stop in a blink. It lingers for a while and slowly fades away.— % &
Cut to twenties - There's this voice again from within that says, I can never be a receiver and the void is my acquaintance. This thought too, lingers for a night or two before it could fade.

May be, we carry the beliefs that are developed out of experiences. We have strong stories to support what we feel is right.

Just like how I carried fear of falling in teens, fear of abandonment in twenties. They aren't the brand new thoughts. They had a story as an owner. In short, they are pre-loved by an experience.

Also known as,
Second hand thoughts.

I got a new cycle after learning to manage the second hand one. Shouldn't it have been the same for thoughts!?— % &

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