You will always have choices to make, choosing one possibility would mean letting go off the other. Sometimes you might look back and perhaps regret your choices or ponder over the path you didn’t choose. Could it have been a better choice? A wiser decision? Maybe things would have been better. But there’s also a possibility things might have looked better but might not have been better. You might have felt the same level of uncertainty, insecurity that you feel right now. Maybe the circumstances would have been different but you would have been you, you would have felt the same amount of love, fear, pain, anger in some form or the other just in a different story from the one you chose. The uncertainties are scary but having uncertainties means there are multiple possibilities and no matter what you choose and what you do and where you go, the raw you will feel the same. Perhaps every decision you make is more about acceptance, acknowledgement, and the mere act of letting go.
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Dear 2023,
Hope you had a good time messing around and sending me to all possible medical practitioners to get me fixed from head to toe. Sigh! Are we done yet? Relax, I am not complaining, I truly enjoy happening rides (but not at the cost of getting myself broken) but can’t break the letter writing tradition!
Read the Caption-
Last December, I fell in love. I thought it to be a fleeting romance but it turned out to be eternal love. This love isn’t out of a tragic best selling romantic novel or even an unrealistic movie.
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I tell you I am a hoarder.
Unwashed sheets
Unmade bed
Burnt cinnamon candles
Messy ruffled hair
Your smell lingers.
I tell you I am a hoarder.
Red and blue scars
Stained cups
Intoxicated lips
Fragile guarded heart
Your touch lasts.
I tell you I am a hoarder.
Sound of the door closing when you left
Sound of racing heartbeats wanting to stop
Sound of silence that stayed.
I tell you I am a hoarder
You ask me what do I collect?
I chuckle “Souvenirs from You.”-
Sometimes words are not enough. Cold stares, warm smiles, sighs, sad eyes and silence take precedence.
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As we sit under the cold winter sky, I wonder if the stars too need a cloudy blanket to hide and cuddle on nights like these. You keep on humming an incomplete distorted tune which made no sense, just like the thoughts on my mind. Yet, we sit around the fire and talk for hours on end about your insignificant tune and my nonsensical thoughts. I live for silent nights like these when we sit around the fire and tell stories to each other. Other days, we forget about your tunes and my thoughts and we get busy surviving, we forget to talk. But on these nights we realise how insignificant are we and how significant is our conversation. All it needs for us is to light the fire and sit.
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But it didn’t take me much time to realise that re-lit cigarettes, broken glass and us were the same story.
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I hope someday you explore these untrodden paths and chase the orange horizon.
If you do find me, I hope you will look up at the sunset and say “I am home”
For I find solace in nature more than I do in humans.
When you find me, promise me we will find solace together in the smell of pine, forest, sunsets, sound of streams, chirping of birds, countryside music but not in each other.-
At the end, you and I are nothing but petals of the same dried flower fading into oblivion.
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Dear 2022,
Honestly, I didn’t intend to write to you the way I wrote to 2020 and 2021, no offence but maybe I was too lazy for this. Since 2023 hasn’t really been too kind till now, I couldn’t help looking back in time.
Full piece in caption-