To my harbour of life,
I feel I'm trapped in shallow sands,
grains like shards of glass,
each reflecting, memories of past,
and my oar is stuck, in regret.

I feel like I can count my days of life,
whirlpool of flashbacks arise,
just to make me realise,
pain will ease with time.

I think, I should be awake,
until dawn, in hope to see home,
waves rise, and the cold bites.

The stars burn too bright,
so I couldn't sleep for nights.

-

High on caffeine,
strong heart beats,
confusion and chaos all around,
I sit in the dark,
blushing, smiling, crying,
creating figures in black,
they talk, they mock,
there's this loathing for light,
the small patch on my window,
it flashes, there's someone,
standing there, having fun,
he scratches the window,
my creatures howl, they move,
high on caffeine,
breathless body, stumbles,
there are cups of memories,
all around my table,
they hold me back,
they laugh at me,
light flashes, and then stops,
"Look at me, Look at me"
he whispers in dark,
I run for the lamp,
I fall and the crayon rolls,
it is black, destined,
beneath the bed, there's someone,
high on caffeine,
they hold me tight,
they pull me in,
heartbeats stop, darkness vanishes,
in search of light again,
ofcourse, the stars are bright,
and I haven't slept for nights.

-

Dear me,
Been a long time, long since I tried to convince you that you were the best. When was the last time someone appreciated you for your confidence ? I can't find a date. Scrolling through posts that promise self love within, I find you drenched in thoughts. I find your memories rushing and falling from a straight cliff of regret just trying to get hold of that last edge, a little appreciation, or even a smile. Staying up late at nights became normal. Adrenaline rush and overthinking, thinking how I would seem if I would be on the other side of the river of sorrows, but it seemed all fine when you woke up the next day. A little hope that it would work out and you won't have to keep telling everyone, " I can. Please". To my surprise, you woke up at five to find yourself still figuring out, why isn't this a new day, why does it seem like it was just a nap and that feeling, some say it motivates, but it horrifies me, "Miles to go before I sleep, and miles to go before I sleep".

-

When will you learn to love,
The way you loved then,
When will you fall in my arms,
The way you surrendered then,
When will you be living free,
The way you glided then,
When will you learn to smile,
The way you beamed then,
When will you be yourself,
The way you seemed then,
When will you learn to wander,
The way you sauntered then,
When will you, believe yourself,
Believe and move flawlessly,
The way you never did,
When will I, learn to love,
This being of utmost importance,
The way no one could ever believe,
When will you, when will I ?

-

Wo phir aayenge, pyaar dikhaayenge,
Wo phir pukaar kar, bhul jayenge,
Wo phir aansoo ponch, rula jayenge,
Wo zaalim hai, pyaar bata kar,
Sirf zakhmon se bhar jayenge.

Wo phir batayenge, kisse puraane,
Wo phir aayenge, sab suljhaane,
Wo phir muskura kar, loot jayenge,
Wo kajrare naino waale,
Phir tumhe buddh sa chor jayenge.

Muskurate nahin, sirf baatein karte hai,
Tumhe apna batane mei, wo aksar,
Bahut sharmaaya karte hai,
Tum gehna nai unki saaj kaa,
Bas ek chotta hissa,
Unke jeene ki andaaz ka,
Wo tumhe paakar khush toh nahi,
Par keh kar dil todna fitrat bhi nahi,
Wo phir aayenge, pyaar ki baatein,
Mulakaat ka koi zikr bhi nahi,
Tum hissa ho unke andaaz ka,
Unke khoobsurat saaj ka nahi.

-

Often the things,
we can't change,
change the things,
we don't want to.

-

Our thoughts,
were like railway tracks,
they ran parallel,
for either of us to change paths,
or sharing tracks,
with rushing emotions, but,
were never destined to meet,
for it would all,
lead to an chaotic end.

-

If all of us,
take one step back,
and find reasons,
to love the ones,
who love us,
there would be,
no heartbreaks.

-

Dear Best Friend,

It's been a long time and now I'm in love with you. We both have settled ourselves, at a point where, you can't love me anymore, and I can't stop thinking about you. This seems a joke, but by the time you could find me someone, I had already found my love.

The only problem was, I had been loving you but couldn't figure out, what it was like to fall in love without expecting love in return. I remember, I was drunk, and had proposed you. Well, yes I still remember your reply, but are you still in love with him ? Or have you finished all your love on him as the careless child on his favourite toy. Just once, can you be the same careless child, who is yet again fascinated by any new toy? Can you love me the same way, as I have loved you ?

It's 4 AM, and I feel sleepy, the pen had a lot to say, and the pages could never manage to handle all of them at once, but today, atleast both of them came to a conclusion, both of them sacrificed a little, a drop of the ink, and a little page from my diary, to convey my love, which could neither be conveyed through that evening rain, where we stood together, or my late night texts.
One more glass of wine, and I'll be back soon.

-

To My Supporting Hand,

I had been a path-driven, spoon-fed child of your loving care. Last night I found that I had carelessly lost my existence on words of your wisdom, or maybe I had been too irresponsible to figure out that I had been completely drowned in feelings of care. To my surprise I also found out that this emotional breakdown had been only from my side and you still stood stiff enough to move further while I had been used as a step for your success. This seemed a bit shocking but had to be accepted and accomplished.

If mentally breaking down had been your game, there's a huge applaud from my side, but if you really did care, why was it that I found you smiling though I had been completely overtaken by shredded tears, say not this was your love, because I had often seen you supporting me over issues that had been declared vulnerable at this stage. I found a Companion over time in you, though many a times I had been reminded that I shouldn't be a fellow foolish follower of a unknown path. I hope, this feeling would last long enough to kill others, or all of it would come into effect once again, as I am your addict.

Yours sincerely,
Addicted Lover.

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