ANGST

I scream and I cry
Until the air leave out of my lungs
Making the vacuum that had pain
The pain which makes it so hard to breathe
But not making a single voice
The tears roll down on my cheeks
Until I stop feeling anything
Eyes are heavy, blood red as they look
Shivering body and aching limbs
And the weakness in my knees
I can’t even stand, the pain grows
But the rush in my body, it slowly calms
Until I don’t feel anything, anymore.

-

WHO DO YOU SEE?

And today, you feel a bit tired to look into the mirror
and fix your hair
As you walk past the shadow
Where the darkness lingers
You touch your face, and skin feels different
Inside your own body, you feel foreign
As you stumble around in the dark
Steadying yourself against the wall made of hope
Tired, as you seem
Hopeless, as you feel
Maybe lie down a bit, you wandering soul
And let it go for a while
But when you look in that mirror again
Tell me after getting yourself together
Who do you see?

-

OLD FRIEND

Met an old friend today
His name was fear
As dark as it sound, so as it felt
Dancing around the shadows
Caging all the sanity
The moment it overpowered the mind
Fading the sense of tranquility
As deeper as it goes
Numbness all over
I wished to overcome it
Feeling like I’m drowning
Reached to the shores
Holding onto hope
Said I don’t want you
So it had to die
Felt like myself,
now that It was gone
To my old friend, it is a goodbye.

-

GRIEF

Grief is love
The love we carry within after losing someone
We loved and we lost
And grief unites us uniquely
The realisation of them not being here anymore but your love, too strong to let them go
So you hold them tightly, wrapping you arms around them and keeping them forever with you and grief won’t let them slip away from you this time
This time they are closest to you
Far above where all the stars, moon and sun are, you look for them dearly and it does break your heart
So you just grieve their absence in order to feel their presence once again.
And that’s how you walk side by side till eternity.

-

Let's read a book together
Turning same pages
Visiting same places
Meeting same people
That's how we will meet
even after being miles apart.

-

Just another day, Doing all the chores
Singing random songs, Dancing in the house
The sudden flashbacks Of talking to you
That feeling holding back All the happy thoughts
Sudden waves of mixed emotions Trying to hold back tears
Questioning why things has changed, Different decisions that we made
Missing you and the 'us' we used to be
Still loving you but can't tell, Still missing you but it doesn't matter
Listening to the songs you used to sing for me
Melting my heart and breaking me down
Asking why do you still have that effect over me, Guess I'll never know these whys
I miss you and I know I'll be fine
But how long is it going to be until these random thoughts of you won't affect me
Until these flashbacks will make me cry no more, Until thinking about you can't hurt me anymore
I still love you but you don't even know
I want to scream that I want you back
But I know that I can't take that ignorance and that hurt again
Maybe it's for good, maybe I'll get over it
I know you don't even care and that's why you distanced yourself in the first place
Maybe it's time for me to let go of you too
But I don't know how to let go of these MAYBEs.

-

Dreamin' under the blanket of stars,
Darkness enveloping the sky,
Washing away the chaotic thoughts,
Gazing at the moon in the sky, so high
Feeling on the edge, yet finding composure
looking at it for a while,
This is how surreal it feels to be a Selenophile.

-

When I'll go through my day
And lie down at night, I'll just think you are at home.
When I'll get tired of the chaos and want to guide me, I'll convince myself that you are at home.
When the world keep on shattering my soul and when I'll be losing all my hope, I'll remember that you are at home.
Even though I know that you exist in this world, no more, I'll just try to feel your presence and tell myself that you are at home.
Your memories will always help me to go through the tough times. Those things you taught me will always remind, that you are at home.
Because home is what your loved ones are, what it feels like. Even when they are not present physically, their love will always keep you close to them.
Even though you are gone forever, we will never be apart because, you, my dear dad, you are my home.

Until we meet again.

-

I read your texts whenever I miss you. It make me feel closer to you. Every text, whether it was those good morning text, good night text or just random thoughts to keep going. Even though I can't hear your voice which I badly want to, I just look at your pictures and think of the best times we had. Those happy memories and your hugs, appreciation, long conversations, everything we had. I miss them. I miss you Papa and I know you are not going to come back but I wish to see you one more time, hold you a little longer and tighter and never let you go.

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I wish I could hold on to you for a little longer,
And then feel our silly love.
Talk to you about all my favourite songs,
And listen to all those songs of yours.
I wish I could just look at you and say nothing,
While you walk with me talking about your favourite things.
I wish it wasn't over,
Because I am not ready to let it go.

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