Some of us fail to understand trauma.

It is not always something happened to you.
It is also every other thing that did not happen to you but should have.

Love, care, time, attention,
emotional availability, attachment,
reassurance, trust.

Every single thing that should have been there,
that should have happened, didn’t.

Never.

It’s already hard and heavy to carry the trauma
of things that happened to you;
The trauma of things that never happened,
A lot more harder and heavier.

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Heartbreak is like Autumn.

The fading and falling leaves from trees
are beautiful, just like memories;

In the end, the trees stand tall and bare
with every single leaf stripped off
and dead on ground,
yellow, green, orange and red
hues of every colour metamorphosed;

Right that is a blissful sight to behold,
A melancholic story untold
while your heart goes through
every piece that has ever been shattered.

When your heart is broken beyond repair,
the whole world seems half dead,
Autumn is the graveyard you wander through.

Sweet love has gone by
with no way to come back for,
Heart hopes for that spring to come by
when it’s the winter you prepare for.

Heartbreak is like Autumn, I said,
For all the bittersweet pain hidden inside.

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How foolish of me to find a home inside a person
when homes can easily be broken
and burnt down in no time.

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The world is a witness
to countless love stories
that got faded with time;

Ours could be one of those.

Before the world could
witness us withering apart,
Lets weave a story
worthy enough of narration
on a moonless night
rather than
just another forgotten tale.

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My favourite arms to get wrapped in,
My favourite eyes to get lost in,

You my beloved!

My favourite person to sit in silence,
My favourite presence to weave verses.

Every moment with you is too short,
Every moment without you is too long.

You light up the sky for me,
You bring out the best in me.

With you around, my precious,

I fall in love
with the feeling of being alive.

At times, I look at you and have no clue,
how no one ever looked at you the way I do?

‘cause dear,

A soul like yours is worth loving,
and a life with you is worth living!

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Do you remember
the kiss you gave me the last time we met?
You set my soul on fire
and that kiss made my heart skip a beat.

Behind my closed eyes,
I saw a whole galaxy within
and even the big bang theory collision;
With that one kiss
you held me captive and frozen.

If only I could stop time
I would have put that night on pause,
the moment you kissed me
to stand still forever in silence.

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Of broken hearts
that dared to beat again,

Of shattered souls
that dared to breath again,

Of bruised minds
that dared to dream again,

Of all the lifeless muse that met its purpose,
Of all the musings, murmurs and memoirs,

that moment in infinite time, you were my home.

When fragments of time
are framed forever in memory,

I call that infinity;

And for a while that day,
you were my infinity.

-

Some days making peace with death
seems easier than making peace with life.

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On some nights like these,
The beautiful crescent moon amidst clouds
reminds me of myself and how my heart feels.

Sometimes half, sometimes full,
Sometimes nothing at all.

The breeze caressing my face,
carries all of the moon’s murmurs,
and whispers right in my ears.

“You don’t always need to be whole,
to shine and illuminate the lives of all;

Through your cracks, crevices and heartbreaks,
and all the way through the darkness,

Brighten up even at your lowest,
Embrace life to the fullest,

Just stay there,

Breath and exist;

For yourself and for others.”

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My legs tremble and my palms sweat,
I struggle to breath and for a moment I cease to exist,
Near, far, here and there,
I look for an escape everywhere,
Chaos takes over the brain,
and anxiety kicks in.
Interactions get overwhelming,
and I cannot do a single thing.
Over my mouth, I place an invisible hand,
when deep down my voice is waiting to be heard;
Another day, another moment,
My anxiety keeps me from enjoying things I should.
With time, it gets louder than ever,
Every word is a cry of despair,
To the world, I look calmer as river,
But anxiety wraps me up tighter and tighter,
Heartbeat just rises higher and higher;

Until I get on to the verge of being ripped up into pieces,

Those are the moments I get to choose,
to cling onto someone’s presence,
who can be my safe space,
who can bring my soul to immense solace,

And you do that.

When the whole world is spinning around,
You bring me back to stillness;

You really do.

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