On the last day of september, Amanda invited me to dinner at her house. I did not want to go. I believed that not saying a goodbye, in some way, makes it not a goodbye.
I have always hated goodbyes, I don't know why they were named 'good' bye. I wanted them to be badbyes or just byes, the kind when you don't know this is the last time you are getting to say it.
But I knew, it was a goodbye.
We had lime pies, pasta,
turkey dressed in onion and celery, okra and fried chicken at dinner. Her mother cooked the most delicious food on Earth.
Amanda looked a lot like her mother, they had same eyes. Just that she had golden hair unlike her mom's brown.
I imagined her in brown hair.
Imagining a person sometimes feels better than looking at them in real, because when you imagine them you are sure they are not going anywhere until you want them to.
However, she was going and I did not care where. But she was going from most of places she had ever been in my world.
I wanted to save her somewhere.
In a place right next to my heart where I could see her again.
She kept getting beautiful as the evening fell and so the world seemed to be uglier than ever.
We told her mother that we were going to listen to some music in Amanda's room.
We entered the room, I closed the door and kissed her.
Her lips tasted like strawberries left for a while among oranges.
It is the very idea of memories that makes the present beautiful, I thought.
We danced on 'You had me from hello' by kenny chesney.
Her skin was flawless, like rest of her body and she danced like a fountain pen on paper.
We sat down on floor against the couch and let the song play slowly.
"You have me, Amanda." I said.
"I enjoy you." She smiled.
"Are you going to call me, or would you send letters, will you come back?"
"Maybe. I don't believe in letters and calls and holding while knowing that I am not coming back. This is the point, you know, everyone is going. I am just going somewhere you are not going."
"Maybe someday we would reach at the same place with wherever we are going, we just don't know. We can hope so.
We certainly can." I said.
"And what a bad idea it is to stretch a string across the world based upon a hope of getting to the other end someday."
She said looking at my palm kept down in her lap.
"Maybe there is something beyond the horizon, I just hope for us." I could not say more.
"The fact, Everett is that I love you. And I know only eternal pain in this world is love. But I want to give you so much of love and yet so less of pain.
I had my days when I could love you, and I did. I am going and now there is more pain to give than love to be given.
You gave me more than I was likely to get and I am glad for it.
You are a string across me, and I don't want you to break slowly. I want you to hit me on the walls of my body so that I remember you were here.
I believe everyone has a story, and yours is beautiful, and mine too.
But admixing two beautiful things does not always guaranty a third beautiful creation.
You should know Everett, when we will cross the last horizon there will be another one farther than the last.
And because you should know, if hopes were food then the hunger of this universe is insatiable.
And I have always been dying of starvation."
I looked at her, she looked pale,
She was not flawless. She had a heart.
"Maybe we should dance, there is little time left." I said with a smile.
We danced on 'Each heart deserves to be broken' by samuel grey.
"Maybe, the worlds greatest lie is not the objectification of fate. Maybe it is the hope that there is an even probability of things those seem so unlikely to happen." I said.
Both of us smiled.
9 JUN AT 23:13