I'm still in my thirties yet it feels like I'm running out of time. I always find myself drifting from the path I choose. I'm sinking, falling, stumbling every second. I feel so lost. Wondering and asking myself if this is really the right path to my future. Constantly negotiating between the person I am today and the person I wish to become someday. I don't know if I still want to trust myself from the choices I made or maybe I'm just too afraid that my own choices will be the one to destroy what I builded so far? I don't know anymore.

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Don't care, won't care
Sometimes I wonder if it's worth it
Is it better to be lonely and left out than to be sitting and wondering if anyone will ever care about you?
When will it be my turn to speak?
Am I ever going to get to talk about what excites me? About what problems I have? My love life?
Are those friends or is it just company? Am I wanted or just a burden?

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तेरे सुकून में मेरा जबाब खो गया,
तेरे जवाब का इंतजार मेरा सुकून ले गया।

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I don't have guts to see,
In those eyes,
Where I fall long ago,
Now That, I fall for someone else,
Is there any feelings still left,
I don't know,
Because for long time,
I think it was you,
Yours is the name, my first thought,
In every morning,
But, why I still think about you,
I don't know,
I don't want it's answer,
Because some questions,
Are always left unanswered.

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یہ ایک زندگی بھی تیرے بغیر گزرنی تھی؟

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Question..

Did your heart betray me 'in secret,'
While your lips still whispered sweet nothings?

In the quiet moments of our shared space,
Did you imagine a different face?
Did your eyes seek solace in his gaze,
While mine were left searching for a trace?

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Question..

Did you see something in his eyes,
That you never saw in mine?
Or were the whispers of his voice,
An echo of the words i failed to say?

Did he capture your soul with a single glance,
Or were the stars aligning in his favor?
i cannot fathom the timing of it all,
How swiftly your heart found another's call.

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Question. Still Confused. Unable to Comprehend.

i still wonder what was on your mind
When you so very quickly fall for him.
We broke up just a few days ago!
Was it love that bloomed overnight?
Or were the seeds of affection sown even while we were still together?

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A part of you goes with love ones

A part of you brakes from love ones

A part of you remains unanswered by love ones

A part of you……

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Unanswered still!
With a grim face, my eyes filled to the brim
crying loudly time and again I called Him
with my folded hands I prayed but in vain!
My tears started rolling down in pain
first on the cheeks then on the ground like drops of rain!
They were unstoppable but all going down the drain
and long before I could realise
they all dried down leaving their stains!
He took him away at His will without any rhythm
or reason or logic and no explanation is palatable still!
My cries hitting the walls reverberating everywhere
all reflecting my agony and pain remain still unanswered!
I was asking Him what sins I have committed
and for what I am put to suffer like thrown to fire in the hell
but wait for the answer was like a holy grail!
Some consoled me with their theories of my past karmas
Some said now my sins would have been lessened!
But I can’t understand these theories of crime and punishment
Why for my sins someone else should suffer but none answered
or defeated should I accept a wiser counsel that it’s my fate!
Without any satisficing answers the turmoil won’t stop within
dejected and disillusioned I stand there waiting still!

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