It's like a collar bone fracture. It can never be back like it was. But despite knowing that, I'm holding the bone with my bare hands just in hope that may be it becomes as good as new.
How are you, my love? I'm sure you're aware of all those words above. The words that depict my present situation. I've been telling you all those in detail for past two months and dwelling on it since more.
I never even wanted all of this to begin. But I had to let you go, set you free, because there was already too much going on in my life, anger of which I didn't want you to be on the receiving end. At least there'd be something better that I'd do for you, I thought to myself. At least, away from all this, you'd be sorted and your growth won't be hampered because of me.
But I had never thought about the toll it would take. I had never thought if it would cause any ill effects. And what I thought about the least, happened.
Today, it has been a year since I asked you to leave and two months since I'm trying to get you back. Never did I commit to anyone. Though, I did flirt, just because I needed someone on my side, someone to share things with, because I was too guilty to talk to you again, because I didn't know that you're the only one who I can talk to, share things with, share myself with. And I regret doing that, I truly do. I regret asking you to leave. I regret not talking to you again sooner.
Trying to get you back hasn't been easy. Isn't it evident because I don't have you back again? I admit I do deserve this treatment, me having treated you the same cut-off way or may be worse in the past, unintentionally. I'm sorry that I never realized you kept me towards normal.
Asking you to come back, all I have received till date is silence. Much to our realization, silence kills more than words. Silence is slow but brutal. It's a master assassin that believes in giving a painful death. I've been at the receiving end. May I complain a bit?
A side of me wants an answer whether I should stay and pursue you or if I shouldn't. Should I leave you at the hands of one you may be looking upto over me or should I try harder? Should I let you some time or should I never leave you alone?
Another side of me doesn't want any answer at all for it fears that it may end everything. It may end my belief that you're the only one for me and I'll be too scared, too guilty to even look for someone else. And I've even started to like this phase, knowing that it has started to destroy me.
Instead of letting go a rope full of thorns, I've started enjoying it. Tell me please, am I going mad?
रूठ जो गये,वक्त रहते मान जाया करना
गुस्सा जो दिखाओ,कभी चोट ना पहुंचाना
दर्द जो दिल में दो,असरकारी दवा भी देते जाना
प्यार जो जताओ,उसमें विश्वास की कमी मत करना
मुस्कुराहट जो बिखेरो,कभी बनावटी मत दिखाना
इकरार जो करो,दिल के आहट को जरा सुन लेना
हक जो मांगो,मेरी हैसियत के पार ना जाना
आगोश में जो लो,हया में झुकी पलकों को संभाल लेना
गुनाह जो कर जाओ,बिना डरे कबूल करना
नफरत जो हो जाये, कभी बददुआ ना देना
मैं जान भी दे जाऊँगी तुम्हारे कहने से पहले
लेकिन ये कैसे समझाऊं तुम्हे,
क्या है किसी से खामोश मोहब्बत करना