Shreyas Susan   (Shreyas)
132 Followers · 3 Following

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Joined 21 April 2017


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Joined 21 April 2017
5 NOV 2021 AT 11:30

There is this empty cup feeling ,has been around for sometime .I am still wondering what this gap is ,this feeling of bereavement. It's not materialistic but yes chocolates do help .Nothing else does.
Warm hugs,familiar scents ,deep conversations,soul food,night drives ,hours under the quilt ..nothing helps.I wake up to mornings of disgruntlement and to permanently exhausted pigeon modes to a point where I am comfortable wearing these suffocating masks so that the world can see a little less of me.
Where do we seek comfort..should have reconciled my thoughts in not emotionally investing in people .I want to escape this reality but I am too practical to fall into a word of fantasy .You get the idea,its a war between "i don't fit " and "I don't want to fit".

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5 NOV 2021 AT 11:27

There is this empty cup feeling ,has been around for sometime .I am still wondering what this gap is ,this feeling of bereavement. It's not materialistic but yes chocolates do help .Nothing else does.
Warm hugs,familiar scents ,deep conversations,soul food,night drives ,hours under the quilt ..nothing helps.I wake up to mornings of disgruntlement and to permanently exhausted pigeon modes to a point where I am comfortable wearing these suffocating masks so that the world can see a little less of me.
Where do we seek comfort..should have reconciled my thoughts in not emotionally investing in people .I want to escape this reality but I am too practical to fall into a word of fantasy .You get the idea,its a war between "i don't fit " and "I don't want to fit".

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2 JUL 2021 AT 11:19

They might think you are selfish ,they might think you are harsh ,they might think you are stone hearted.
Let them❤........
They might not have judged you if they knew how hard it was for you to wake up every single day,embrace your losses at the end of the day ,unable to fill the voids left by irreplaceable people and irreplaceable moments .Those voids are there to stay but life has to move forward .It sure will ,little by little,day by day but time will heal ....it always does.But in the meantime it's okay to let go of whatever holds you back .Its not being selfish,I call it prioritizing or let us say survival. Each day is a battle and you shall rise unscathed .

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20 MAY 2021 AT 17:32

Faces you would like to forget,voices that you never ever want to hear again ,half minded apologies kept at the doors of your fresh raw wounds,the normalcy in which others return back to their lives ,the trauma you never wanted to accept lest you never recover from it ,the trauma that you try to trivialize thinking that's the easiest way out.That predator prey feeling that you always get in unknown crowds,that afternoon siestas which gets disturbed by some haunting memories ,that awkward laughter you use as your defence to cover conversation gaps or unwanted references ,the trust issues ,the quick to judge nature , and I could go on and on .
We never know what can traumatize someone so be kind and don't trivialize anyones trauma❤❤.

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5 MAY 2021 AT 21:10

I always used to feel comfortable in crowds .I was such a " crowd person "...I never cared whether I was oblivious or the centre of attention .Both worked fine for me.I miss being amidst a crowd ,different colognes or scents of soap that rubs on you that you recognize & associate with some long lost childhood memory .Snippets of conversations that you overhear that gives you sudden fits of laughter or panic attacks and that urge to maintain that neutrality of expression ,lest you be caught red handed.

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14 FEB 2021 AT 9:28

The only thing I miss about you is your genuinity. I still cannot pronounce this.And we messed up real bad.But the genuinity with which you used to even say simple things will stay with me forever ❤.Just this part ....the rest of you I will blissfully keep hating till death or amnesia gets to me .
Happy Valentine's day ,the heart is healing,the wounds are being closed.

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1 FEB 2021 AT 8:02

The saddest thing in life is seeing wounded people go on with their life as nothing has happened .Their hearts
wounded,their battles lost ,the stench of their unfulfilled dreams ,their cold clammy yesterdays and the worst part is seeing them put on a warm smile,their heart in their eyes.I have not known remorse or guilt since a very long time ,I haven't bothered to ,but these smiles shred my conscience every time I see it.
And I hate myself a little more for all that times I smiled back at them ,the escapist in me overpowering the philanthrope in me .Helplessness is an emotion.
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19 JAN 2021 AT 19:58

Dear stakeholder of my childhood....
Sometimes I wish you were in 9th grade or something and I was in 6th .I would be diligently doing my math sums,and you would be getting busted for being a prick. The toughest decisions were trivial things like horlicks or bournvita for the evening.I would be watching Denver the dinosaur rather than vibing to Maithreyan or Dhar mann!!
I miss how simple life was and I could just pick my sheets and barge into your room when I heard the dog barking at awkward hours or that time when I was scared of that Santa claus in our church carol (ashamed to think I was just a year younger). I hate it that we are video calls away,so close yet so far.I hate that I have no competition to devour these crabs or your favourite caramel cake that mamma makes. I wish I could barter my present insecurities and uncertainties with the old happiness given by Christmas hampers & the newest edition Harry potter books .Retrospection hurts ,everytime you do it.
I dont know how much genuine I have been to myself or anyone in my life ,but if they ask me to choose between you or me I will tell each time with Hassan's sincerity that its you a thousand times over..

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13 JAN 2021 AT 10:51

Let us play safe .....
My conscience to my decisions.
And they never met.
End of the story .

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13 JAN 2021 AT 10:44

What would I do without you ?? I feel like confiding coz I have never seen you look exasperated or poke a judgmental third eye at me and all my dramas. All I have seen you do is take the most selfish,most logical,and most prudent decisions for me .I tell you tales of how I leave people or how I plan not to talk to them again or my plan B of how I will befriend them again just coz I have some selfish plans in mind and you would sit there just humming not even surprised at my bitchiness or mental state ,I thought you should be high on weed to listen to my philosophies of life but still you sit there not even batting an eyelid.You have never allowed my rotten decisions to meet my conscience ,the day they meet I am not sure I would love myself the same ever again.But till then you are my conscience ,my shield 🖤

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