Rya Ray

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I haven't written in a long time. I've come to realize that even sadness is a healthy sign sometimes. That's not that this is about. Or so I'm hoping. There is going to be a time when all the beautiful things and people in your life will run out. One day, you'll not get up to mow the lawn or you won't get out of bed to make your husband some tea. The grass will grow to wild lengths. Your man will learn to make tea again. Youth is fleeting. You already know that. Our most favorite people are transient. You know that as well. Just that, in this moment, you're alive in a time with the people you love. You've already lost a few. But if you're 24, you've probably met 5-6 people you want to call before you go. Maybe less. But that's not important. This entire thing is pointless. Maybe it's a fucked up way to tell somebody you love them. By telling them you'd like to call them before you go away for good. But isn't the worst kind of sadness unlanguageable? Maybe that's why I've lost my touch with words. It's crap anyway. But at least I can sing you a song. 

"Your lips, my lips. Apocalypse."

Apocalypse.

25 JUN AT 0:02

You're somebody
I can be my best with,
during the worst
of my times.

Best case-worst case scenario.

19 JUN AT 10:31

Time around us
hears us
go silent.

गवाही।

22 MAY AT 21:43

Your hands knead
my breasts
like water kneads
lumps of soil
during a violent rain
and it smells like
petrichor on your hands
after you touch
my anxious parts
and both sigh out
each others' names
like clouds
sigh out thunder.

It's raining in Bangalore.

21 MAY AT 0:18

You
make
my
dust
settle.

Well.

7 MAY AT 15:27

I had once written "Distance is the most malleable thing. It can feel the same across counties. Across cities. Across rooms. And across the same bed." I'd written this for another guy. It was a part of a poem. All that's in the past. But distance still feels just as malleable. It's been a while since I've seen you. My fingertips keep looking for your fingertips. It's scary how sometimes I close my eyes and can't remember your face completely. Does life do this to us? Maybe the chapter on Time, Speed and Distance should have spoken about other things too, back in math class. I'm scared of forgetting the most beautiful parts of you the quickest. I've heard that if something can travel faster than the speed of light, its dimensions disappear. Do my thoughts reach you that fast? Does the distance cease to exist then? Funny how our virtual images form on phone screens. It's funny how I woke up this morning wanting to listen to your voice, and everything was okay. I could call you. It wasn't complicated. Just for once.

Time dilation and other things like love and distance.

1 MAY AT 17:51

Toothache aur heartbreak.

Performing this piece at YourQuote open mic, Bengaluru.

So it's been about a week, Since I've had this pain in my teeth. Pills and potions I did try, but it still makes me yelp and want to cry. There is a soaring pain that does spread to the entire right side of my head. I lie in bed and wonder how to get rid of all this throbbing now. Now this is the point where I digress, and this becomes about you, more and about toothache, less. So hear me out when I say you resemble toothache in more than one way. You came ininvited, a sunday afternoon and felt like scintilating ice cream on a silver spoon. And it's a fact that ice creams and people like yourself do not have a lot of life on the shelf. You not only invite overwhelming guilt, but like toothache, you fuckinh hurt, to the hilt. I was sort of hoping you would go away on your own and I wouldn't have to try all remedies I'd known. From switching off blue-ticks to swiping right, to deleting your contact, for call I might. Those were the Betadines and Listerines I used But you and the pain both stayed infused. Then I went to a dentist and cried for respite and realized you both weren't ready to leave despite. I'd stopped writing about the sense of loss for that was my idea of dental floss. I thought that'd ease and help let go and would not let it spread and grow. But you see sadness and toothache are masters of their own, and both stay till they will and don't leave when the door is shown. And now I am better, with stronger teeth and gum and there's no troubleshooting with those little pegs of rum. Now I am on the other side of heartbreak, but you, you still remind me of that goddamned toothache.

23 APR AT 16:05


टीस अजब उठती है
तुम्हारे चले जाने पर।
इतना खाली हूँ तो
ये भारीपन क्या है?
और इतना भारीपन है तो
फिर खाली क्या है?

द्वंद्व।

19 APR AT 6:22

- The Broken Clock

We chase time chase time chase time.

14 APR AT 15:03

Jamais Vu

Have you, for the first time
parted your lips
to let someone in
but it feels like
they had already visited
from a time before time
from a love beyond reason?
Origins fail, and my number line
of all breaths breathed
move to make room for you.
You're a song from before,
I already knew.
You concoct for me,
my Jamais Vu.

Jamais Vu.

5 APR AT 22:15