We love someone
And when the spark fades
We break them
But they broke us too, we think
Then we go out there again
Looking for someone new to love
To fill the void
We want to be loved
We want to love
And yet we never ask
Are we capable of such great commitment

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I wake up
With a memory
Or a particular thought about a particular person
I sit quietly for a min or two
I take out my phone from under my pillow
There's still some song playing from last night on it
I type in a text
I decide not to send
I put the phone down
I go out, get freshened up
All the while thinking about that particular person
Or rather thinking if that person thinks about me as well like I do
I go upstairs on roof
It's the middle of September
So it's not so hot but not cold
Sun is just coming out
I light up my Cigarette
Stare at the contact details while blowing puffs
I come down
Shake my head
And sit to do some studying before work
I get engrossed in study
And then work
I don't think about that person in that period of time
Evening comes
Work is finished
And the thoughts and memories slowly return
I try to shake them
And I do get rid of them for brief period of times before they return again
And when it's dinner time
I eat— % &I watch some movie or video or read something
All the whole resisting thoughts and memories
I go to bed
Put some music on
I try to sleep
And I wish to not wake up tomorrow thinking about that person or with memories of that person
I probably fall asleep
— % &

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I love you
I love you more than anything
I love you more than anything in the world
I've uttered these sentences a lot
And I've heard these being told to me quite a few times
Yet I've said mean things, hurtful things
I've heard mean and hurtful things
I don't want to hear these anymore
Neither do I want to say it
It's arrogant enough to expect to be loved
I've been ignorant to think I'm capable of loving
Great people are capable of such things
I am not capable of loving
Neither have I met a single human capable of truly being able to love
My love starts with needs and end with expectations
Their love for me starts with needs and ends with expectations
Average human beings love is just a better term to justify satisfying their needs and feel better about it
Why should I lie anymore
And why should I tolerate lie
I refuse to be part of this charade anymore
And if that means being alone, so be it
It's better to be alone and live with truth

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| Average |

To be in love
Or to be loved
Neither is true
We give
We take
The more we give
The more we demand
In the name of love
On and on and on and on...it goes

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Every night I sleep
And
Every next day I wake up
Oh, What a tragedy !

-

4 o'clock
Mother gave me tea
I went on roof with the cup of tea
Took out a Marlboro from my pocket
There was a little wind
Couple of wasted matchsticks
Took a puff
I called a friend
Ring goes on and then recorded voice of a woman on the other end says,
The person you're calling can't take your call please try again later
I call again
Same thing
I call another friend
The recorded voice says this time,
The person you are calling is talking to someone else please try again later
I call another friend
He picks up
We talk for about 30 secs
Then he says I'm going on a date I'll call you later
He hangs up
Cigarette is out
I throw away the Cigarette end
Pick up the cup
Come downstairs
Go into my room
I sit and stare at the ceiling fan wondering what if it falls on me.

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Only thing freedom teaches us is that we are not free at all. And reasonable people can argue over it for decades and centuries and never reach a consensus.
Irony is people are free to hold different opinions. Nonetheless, we are all slaves in one way or another. All we can do is try to become the strongest one in the arena.

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मै समय नामक पागल हाथी पर सवार
जिन्दगी की पथरीली, नुकीली राह पे चल रहा हूँ
हाथी के पाँव लहू-लुहान
अपने पीछे खून के धब्बे
निशानों के तौर पे छोड़ते जा रहे है
मै हाथी पर बैठा
हाथी के गले की जोड़ कस के पकड़े
मुलायम जमीन की आस देख रहा हूँ ।

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Every day I wake up dead,
Floating in the infinite space of existential dread,
Lying on my bed,
I light a cigarette.

Million of thoughts hurling,
Thousands of voices murmuring,
I feel like crying-
Out loud!
I can't afford crying.

I should better die,
Every once in a while I contemplate suicide,
And a moment later I deny.
Why?


Perhaps the will to share life with those I love(or I think I love) and those who love me outweighs all the pain and suffering life is otherwise filled with.

-

I live my birth,
Happiness,
Sorrows,
Achievements,
Tragedies,
And Death simultaneously.

I've no prejudice in my mind for anything.

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