jab achcha waqt nahi aata,
tab sab'r aa jata hai.

-

I longed for you
for so long
that I no longer
long for you.

-

I've come so far... well, don't we all have?
But I'm afraid I've now gone farther than I should've or I ever intended to.
I think... no, I'm certain that I no longer identify or recognize myself... my true self is what I meant that I've mostly & usually kept hidden & isolated.
So I wonder is this how it died? Out of suffocation & desperation to live? And I also wonder if I or someone (anyone) has the will & the power to bring it back to life?

Lately I'm missing my childhood so much & I'm trying to uncover these beautiful moments that I've lived & loved with my family. I'm guessing it's probably an attempt at rediscovering my true self 'cause ofcourse that's only when I've been fully myself, away from having to act or pretend at all.

This one memory suddenly popped up in my head a while ago. It was about how I & my grandma would come sit outside our home whenever there was a power cut. She'd happily & tirelessly fan me for hours & I'd just look at the stars & admire the beauty of the night & the silence it brings along.

Honestly now the memory feels like a snippet of a movie I've already seen where I'm aware of the plot & its characters but it's no longer the story of my life.

-

It's funny how
instead of I'm sad,
what hits you more is
I'm not happy.

-

I am sure all of us at some point in our lives have looked at our elders and wondered, "Only if we could stand half as tall as them."

We know it and yet we remind ourselves from time to time that we can never measure up to their stature.

While we all are busy having the same thought almost every single day, I somehow also wonder if our next generation would feel the same way about us.

And if in future, my kids come up to me and say that I'm their super idol, then I cannot even imagine how useless and lazy they would turn out to be.

-

Everytime, I and my mother go to a market, she be like: should we get another mask?

Me: YES! WE REALLY HAVE TO. We are just one mask away from a spectacular century of masks.

-

I wish I could cry my heart out to you, Mother!
But I know you'll judge me
before you hug me.

I wish you wouldn't ask me all the whys and hows.
I wish you'd tell me, "It's all in the past,
I'm here for you now."

-

It is known & proven to everyone that all mothers have unconditional love for their children. I'm no exception to this fact as my mother too, loves & lives for me.

BUT there's always something about their child that frustates them the most, it thoroughly annoys them & drives them crazy as if the sky has fallen & unfortunately, I'm no exception here as well.

My mother absolutely hates how disorganized I am. It's something she can't handle, she just can't tolerate seeing things all scattered & not being where they should be. It disturbs her to the extent that she herself starts managing my room & doesn't stop until it's picture perfect.

I'm certain that she thinks she's helping me out but what she doesn't realize is that her organizing my room actually leaves it disorganized for me because then I've got no idea where all my stuff is. Every time I look for something, I just end up asking her where she has kept it. I think it's safe to call it our little tradition now.

And God forbid, if I dare to ask her to stop doing it, she sure knows how to shut me up then & there.
"when you start getting comfortable in your messy room,
it's not the room that's the problem, it's you".

-

you are just
so used to leaving
our conversations all of a sudden
that it's actually very surprising
when you make the efforts
to say goodbye.

-

it took me
a heartbreak
to realise
that i loved you
like a tragic movie.

i knew
you'd leave me
in a pool of tears
and yet i kept
exploring you.

-