//the degradation//

If that's what it's gonna take
for you to see
The purity and the intensity
of my naive yet profound love
I'll shed my skin down
to my very bones;
Expose all my scars and
my bloodied up heart for you
to examine
and also stab, if you please.
It's been so long
my skin has been charring
and blood drying in my narrow veins.
You'll see what I shall become
and what will remain
Only a skeleton
calling out your name.

-

//The Certainty of Uncertainty//

There are trillions of molecules
moving inside me
And trillions more I'm moving inside of.
They make way for me
and I change their ways.
Nothing will ever remain the same,
how embarrassing
The old painful beauty that I feed on
Or the stupid signal lights blinking, blinking
and suddenly going off.
How tragic all the molecules
will settle down one day
and everything shall suspend in the oblivion.

-

//Screaming Silence//

There is some music constantly
playing around me.
I never let silence surround me.
There is a limit to chaos too
And when it's reached
The lights turn down low
I go towards my bed and
fall on the hard mattresses
It's not fuzzy or warm but it's mine,
it's comfortable.
After days of toil, that results in nothing,
I try to close my eyes,
I like this darkness, the stench of incense
that I burn daily while offering prayers
and seeking a hand over my head
of the eternal power of faith.
I'm tired and happy but this sound of silence
is daunting and haunting me.
I can't bear it anymore, I am running away,
the reason why there's music always
booming on speakers in my room
or in earphones hanging around
my neck in a messed up loop.
How do I sleep how do I rest,
I can't, this silence is scratching my throat
and I need some place where I can find peace.

-

I traded my sleep
for your memories
just to be able to
perceive the idea
of your being
in my life, even though
You are no longer
an existance.

-

//The Idea of You//

You are just an idea of a person
Who lives in my heart and rules over my brain
You are the energy of a person
Who travels through the synapses of my neurons.
I have made you up inside myself, in my thoughts.
And now, you feed on my happiness.
I never imagined it would be so difficult to even touch you.
Now I need to put flesh to your bones
Give you a muscular shape and strong arms,
To wrap around myself.
I need a lover's warm embrace to hold my melting heart, on a chilly winter evening, watching sunset.
You're the idea of a person, I'm in love with.
I'd never be able to put skin to your bones,
So why not put your skin on mine
And reform the idea of you from my fantasy to reality.

-

//Reality but in Dreams//

(poem in caption)

-

//of sleep and wildflowers//

I feel tired,
so tired that I wanna sleep,
sleep in peace, for 300 years.

I lay on the sunny,
slightly elevated ground
in the 'fine arts'
with sparse grass on it,
and the mud covers me up
like a blanket
or wraps me from all around
as if my lover, I never met.

And I lay there for centuries
with weeds and tiny wildflowers
growing in and on my skin.

I sleep, sleep and sleep.
And then one day when
the world is no longer
spinning in my head,
I wake up and die.

-

//Let's Die Together//

When you close your eyes
for the eternal slumber,
I hope my time comes around too.

May we both be buried
So that when they interment us
I crawl to you under the earth
and let our boney finger clasp
And we sleep in a warm embrace.
Under the cold hard ground with peace.

Or may we both be cremated
So that when they scatter
the cremains in the river
Our ashes mix together and you hug me.
I be all around you, you be all around me.

Since we can't live together in this worldly life
This is the only way, I think, we'd be One
Even though our souls are related
I want our elements and dust to be united
So that I'd become you and
You become me.
And then ultimately
You'll be home with me and
I'll be home with you.

-

//disappear//

and then there are days
when the simple
act of blinking
becomes so hard
that only tears roll down

and on days like these
I wanna disappear
like a tear in a pool
or dissolve like
alcohol surrounds
a caffeine molecule.

-

of all the poisons
I could have chosen
to kill myself,
I chose to love 'You'.

-